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  • Consensus in queer spaces

    Consensus in queer spaces

    What does consensus mean in sex?

    In Germany, any sexual act without the consent of all parties involved (affirmative consent) is a punishable offence. Affirmative consent describes a situation in which all parties involved consciously, voluntarily and actively agree to a sexual act. A sexual act could include any form of physical interaction of a sexual nature, such as kissing, hugging, touching or sexual intercourse. Consent must be unambiguous - regardless of whether it is given verbally or non-verbally. It can be withdrawn at any time and requires that no force, coercion or manipulation is involved. A „yes“ to a certain action does not automatically mean consent to other actions, and prior consent does not automatically apply to future interactions. Silence or the absence of resistance does not constitute consent. Consent is only possible if all parties involved can make clear decisions. Alcohol, drugs or health impairments can limit this ability. In such cases, it is crucial to recognise whether the other person is incapable of acting.

    An important step in promoting affirmative consent was the introduction of the „Antioch College Sexual Offense Prevention Policy“ in 1991 at Antioch College in Ohio-USA. The policy responded to growing concerns about sexual assault on college campuses. Feminist movements shaped this approach. The goal was a culture of mutual respect: consent had to be active, conscious and voluntary. This policy transformed the understanding of consent, helped prevent sexual assault and created a new standard for dealing with sexual consent. This pioneering work paved the way for modern approaches in queer spaces too.

    Illustration of several people in a queer club room; "Yes? No? Maybe?" - Topic: Consensual sex.
    Consensus in queer spaces - symbolic image | illustration:
    Harjyot Khalsa

    Consensus in queer safe spaces

    Queer spaces often serve as safe places for people who experience discrimination because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Many event organisers therefore take special care to ensure that everyone involved feels physically and emotionally safe. They create clear lines of communication and respect individual boundaries. However, even within queer spaces, there are differences in how consensus is lived and implemented, which can also depend on the respective location and its circumstances.

    However, if for some reason someone behaves inappropriately without respecting the consensus of others, this should not be a reason for punishment or exclusion, but an opportunity to learn from it. In a time of constant political correction, the space for punishment should be replaced by alternative approaches that promote education and personal growth. Non-binary mediator Joris Kern has been giving workshops on sexuality and consent to people working in educational fields since 2009, trying to define consent as an attitude or culture and not just a method. Joris has written two books on consent: Sex but the right way and Consensus culture. He*she also learned about the differences in queer spaces while working in the organisation team of a sex-positive FLINTA party.

    How consensus is lived in FLINTA and gay spaces

    „It's exciting to see how the spaces and dynamics differ at gay and FLINTA parties, especially when they take place in the same venue but at different times,” says Joris. The atmosphere at FLINTA parties is often quieter. Many participants get to know each other first and talk to each other. This gradually creates a feeling of security and consent before they get physically close or go into the darkroom. In contrast, physical contact was the main focus at the gay parties.

    The participants moved around the room and were already able to make contact, often until someone explicitly said they didn't want to. „Both approaches have their opportunities and challenges. The gay scene could benefit from encouraging more communication during and before interactions, while the spontaneity and impulsivity in gay cruising spaces would be a strength that FLINTA spaces could capitalise on. It's important to create spaces that allow for both pleasure and spontaneity but also ensure that everyone involved feels comfortable and respected,” Joris continues.

    Consensus in the club: the SchwuZ example

    The legendary SchwuZ club in Berlin, which emerged from Homosexuelle Aktion Westberlin (HAW), is known for its sex-positive parties that create a safe and inclusive space for the LGBTIQ+ community. Their website clearly states: "Consensus distinguishes sex from sexualised violence, among other things.". David Degener from the awareness team there emphasises that consent is not a term that many people take for granted. He conveys the team's understanding that people have different backgrounds and experiences that influence their behaviour and their understanding of consent. A young person from a small village who came out at the age of 18 and wants to try out Berlin's kink parties may have less experience in queer spaces than someone who grew up in Berlin. These different socialisation conditions can lead to some people unconsciously acting awkwardly because they lack the necessary knowledge.

    What happens when boundaries are crossed?

    When a person tells the team about an unpleasant experience, the team initially believes them and asks what they want and need. Many of those affected do not know how to deal with the situation at first. Some assaultive experiences only become clear to them later. David gives the following example: „I was kissed and didn't actually say anything. I don't even know how to deal with it.“ The context also plays an important role. If a BPoC person is repeatedly touched by the hair without being asked, it is not just a case of assault by consent, but also racist violence. Similar situations can also arise during sexual encounters in the darkroom.

    When protection has priority

    There are cases where a person's behaviour endangers other guests. Such people are taken out of the club by the team and it is explained to them why they are being taken out. „One of my first cases was about a person who was hugging other people repeatedly and without their consent,“ David reports. „This person, who was intoxicated, would often hold people and not let them go, despite their pleas.

    One affected guest often said: ‚No, please don't touch me‘. This person was eventually expelled and wrote us an email a year after the incident.” The team does not tolerate any form of perpetrator protection but believes that people should have the chance to learn and change. When someone is expelled from the club, the person concerned receives a card with an email address. This allows the person to get in touch with the feedback team later and talk about the case in peace.

    Learning instead of just punishing

    David takes the time to do this and, together with the management, is primarily responsible for answering these emails. „It is important that there is a high level of confidentiality and that these processes are discussed. Of course, this takes a few days because I bring in all perspectives and don't want to prejudge anyone,“ he explains. The dialogue allows different perspectives to be brought in and topics such as boundaries, consumption and behaviour to be discussed. This dialogue could even lead to the person concerned being allowed back into the club after reflecting on the incident. „I don't want to swing a hammer and say: guilty or innocent, but rather enter into a dialogue and educate people,“ says David.

    Consensus accident or assault?

    Joris takes a similar view, believing that sanctions or punishments are not always the best solution and that a distinction must be made between accidents and assaults. An assault occurs when someone disregards another person's boundaries and possibly deliberately tries to overstep them. An accident, on the other hand, often occurs when both parties believe that they are acting consensually but later realise that this was not the case. This can happen due to unclear agreements or misunderstandings.

    „After a consensual accident, it's important to take responsibility and learn from it,“ explains Joris. „Together, the parties involved can discuss what they can learn from the situation and do differently in future.“ This can mean being more aware of your own limits, asking questions more often or paying more attention to the influence of alcohol and other substances. If people work through a consensual accident well, this can even strengthen trust and understanding. An assault, on the other hand, requires distance and protection for the person affected.

    Consensus is a process

    Joris emphasises that punishment for punishment's sake does not help - even if exclusion is seen as revenge. Instead, safe spaces should be created. At the same time, people who want to learn from their mistakes need support. Those who have behaved inappropriately should be given the opportunity to reflect on their own behaviour, change and understand the consequences of their actions. „While safety is the top priority, it is important to combine protection with the possibility of rehabilitation,“ adds Joris.

    Consensus as a process

    This is why Joris prefers to speak of consensus rather than consensus, as a continuous process in which something new always develops and new impulses emerge that could change things. „Between ‚yes‘ and ‚no‘ there is also a ‚maybe‘, and you can negotiate that. It's about creating the framework for experiments.“ Joris emphasises the openness in sexual encounters, whereby sometimes unexpectedly beautiful things arise when we don't strictly adhere to our ideas. This requires us to make ourselves a little vulnerable. „There is also always a beginning and a stop.

    A ‚no‘ always has to be accepted, anything else is abusive. „It doesn't matter whether the “no„ comes from another person or from myself,“ explains Joris. "Consensus often sounds like black and white: yes or no, one or zero. Consensus, on the other hand, is evolving. What I experienced as consensual five or ten years ago, I may see differently today because I have learnt more about my own needs. That doesn't mean it was wrong back then. But today I have a better understanding of what I need and how I want to interact with others."

    When consensus enables participation

    This openness is also evident in David's experiences at SchwuZ. He talks about a person in a wheelchair. She went to a darkroom for the first time and later told us how much she enjoyed the evening there. Before every interaction, others asked her if everything was OK for her. „Normally she doesn't get much attention. That evening, people asked her nicely how she was doing. „Everything went respectfully and smoothly in the darkroom too.“ It was a new, positive experience for her. Feedback like this shows how important simple questions are. A clear „yes“ or „no“ can help to create a respectful and inclusive environment.

    Frequently asked questions about consensus

    What does consent mean in sex? Why is it so important in queer spaces? And how can consent be clearly communicated? Here we answer key questions about consent, boundaries and respectful encounters.

    What does consensus mean in sex?

    Consent means that all participants consciously, voluntarily and unambiguously agree to a sexual act. This consent can be verbal or non-verbal. It is important to note that consent can be withdrawn at any time.

    Why is consensus particularly important in queer spaces?

    Queer spaces should enable protection, freedom and self-determination. Clear communication, respected boundaries and mutual respect are particularly important in places where people have experienced discrimination or marginalisation.

    Can consensus also be given non-verbally?

    Yes, consensus can also be expressed non-verbally, for example through clear body language. Nevertheless, it must be clearly recognisable that everyone involved is in agreement. Silence or a lack of resistance is not enough.

    What is the difference between a consensual accident and an assault?

    A consensual accident can occur when those involved assume that there is consensus, but later realise that boundaries were unclear or misunderstood. An assault occurs when boundaries are disregarded or deliberately crossed.

    What should I do if my boundary has been crossed?

    It is important to take your own perceptions seriously. Those affected can turn to friends, awareness teams, counselling centres or people they trust. They do not have to know immediately how they want to categorise or deal with the situation.

    How can I ask for consensus during sex?

    Asking for consent can be as simple as „Is this okay for you?“, „Do you like this?“ or „Should we continue?“ Such questions can create closeness, trust and safety - especially in sexual or sex-positive spaces.

    Need someone to talk to?

    Whether acute or simply for orientation - sometimes it helps to talk to someone in confidence.
    Use the Gay Health Chat - the button at the bottom right will accompany you on the page. There you can chat anonymously and free of charge:

    - Personal live advice in the chat
    - Help by e-mail or telephone
    - Information on health, law, everyday life and more

  • 5 questions for the Gay Health Chat

    5 questions for the Gay Health Chat

    Hello Klaus! Congratulations on five years Gay Health Chat! What exactly is the Gay Health Chat and who is it aimed at?

    Thank you very much!

    The Gay Health Chat is an internet counselling service. It works without registration and is free of charge. It is aimed at gay men and all men who have sex with men. This also includes trans* men, as well as non-binary and gender non-conforming people who feel they belong to the gay community.

    Why was the Gay Health Chat created?

    Small counselling centres and AIDS service organisations simply don't always have the money or resources to set up an online chat. With Gay Health Chat, Deutsche Aidshilfe provides the technology and ensures good quality. The counsellors then join in from 46 counselling centres: from Austria, Germany and Switzerland.

    Who advises at the Gay Health Chat and how are the counsellors trained?

    Everyone who works for us has been trained as an HIV/STI counsellor by Deutsche Aidshilfe. And we regularly train everyone in online communication, because it is much more difficult to assess how the other person is doing when typing and without visual contact. This year, we are also adding additional training to become first aiders for mental health problems. Our counsellors are all gay or queer themselves and work, for example, at gay checkpoints, in the IWWIT team or at AIDS service organisations - a very colourful mix.

    What kind of questions do people come to the Gay Health Chat with?

    Most of the questions have to do with sex. We're the AIDS service organisation and we know our way around that particularly well. But since corona, more and more people have been chatting to us because they feel like shit, are lonely and can't cope. We can help them too.

    Which topics are people perhaps not yet so aware of, but which you can still advise on?

    We talk a lot and have learnt a lot about drugs during sex in recent years: why is it particularly hot and what steps are necessary when it's no longer fun - we can now offer good help. In addition, every counsellor has experienced coming out as a gay man and can therefore understand everyone else who is currently dealing with this issue. How can I become a self-confident, courageous person in this world? That is our goal.

    Klaus, thank you very much for the interview!

    You can reach the Gay Health Chat at gayhealthchat.com.
    You can find everything about gay life at iwwit.de/gay-life!
  • Federal Government Commissioner for Queer Issues: "I take a clear stance on incitement to violence!"

    Federal Government Commissioner for Queer Issues: "I take a clear stance on incitement to violence!"

    Mr Lehmann, in 2021 you were directly elected to the Bundestag by more than 70,000 Cologne residents. Since November, you have been Parliamentary State Secretary in the Ministry of Family Affairs and since January, you have also been the Federal Government's Queer Commissioner. With all these successes: Do you personally still experience disadvantages or discrimination because you are gay?

    In the 20 years that I have been gay, I have of course also been discriminated against from time to time. For example, my husband and I have been verbally abused on the street because we were walking hand in hand or attacked on the internet. Nevertheless, I have certainly experienced less everyday discrimination than other people because I am in a privileged role as a politician. My party has always fought for the rights of LGBTIQ* and other minorities. I am naturally surrounded by a very safe and open environment.

    You recently reported a hate preacher from Görlitz who agitated against queer people in a video and wished them dead. How do you generally deal with homophobic attacks? When do you defend yourself - and when do you ignore them so as not to attract additional attention to extremists?

    When it comes to calls for violence or a call for murder, as in the case of this hate preacher, I take a clear stance. I call in the state security services and press charges. In my political work, I unfortunately have to live with hate comments online, which have increased massively now that I am even more in the public eye due to my new position as Queer Representative. I ignore a lot of it, but here too I report comments and block the authors when boundaries are crossed.

    Discrimination within the LGBTIQ* community: Even within the queer community, trans* people and non-binary people often encounter reservations. How inclusive do you find the queer scene?

    The LGBTIQ* community is very diverse - and just as diverse are the demands that the different groups place on politics. As queer commissioner, I am the point of contact for everyone. I try to listen and incorporate the needs of the community into government work. Despite all the differences within the community, I also see a lot of potential for alliances. And I am convinced that if we want to achieve something in terms of queer politics in this legislature, we need mutual solidarity. We need to stand up together for the rights of the LGBTIQ* community - for example, currently with the planned self-determination law, which is intended to replace the so-called "Transsexuals Act". There is a lot of headwind at the moment and we will still have to have many a discussion and do a lot of persuasive work until the law is finalised. Support from within the community is therefore important.

    As a queer representative, do you also feel responsible for more tolerance within the community - and how could we promote it?

    In any case, I see this as one of my tasks. I think the most important thing is to stay in dialogue with each other and to realise that we can only achieve the ambitious goals that we have set out in the coalition agreement if the community gets involved and acts in solidarity. Then we can make a real start for diversity, self-determination and equal rights for LGBTIQ* people in this legislative period. This summer, for example, I want to give the go-ahead for the first nationwide action plan for diversity and against queer hostility.

    The associations and initiatives of the queer community are making a very important contribution to this action plan - we are starting a dialogue process about what is important to them and where further support is needed. Family law should also finally be updated and adapted to social realities. After all, families are diverse and do not always consist of just a mother, father and child. We therefore want to reform parentage law and provide legal protection for multiple parenthoods. There are various interests within the community on all of these topics, which are expressed and also heard.

    "Medically, HIV is now well manageable. Discrimination, on the other hand, makes people ill."

    Today, people with HIV can live with the virus almost without any problems - and HIV is not transmissible under therapy. A major problem for them, however, is the Stigmatisation of HIV. Almost 80 per cent find it risky to talk about their infection because they are often confronted with prejudices - on a date, for example. In your role, how do you want to contribute to further reducing the stigmatisation of people with HIV?

    HIV is now well manageable medically. Discrimination, on the other hand, makes people ill. For many people with HIV, the fear of rejection and marginalisation outweighs the health consequences. I am therefore in favour of ensuring that the action plan for diversity and against queer hostility also includes measures such as strengthening educational work on HIV. I will ask the Federal Ministry of Health and the Federal Centre for Health Education to play an active role here in order to make doctors more aware of current treatment and prevention options and to prevent stigmatisation. Because nobody with HIV should have to hide.

    According to surveys only one fifth of Germans know that HIV therapy reliably prevents the transmission of HIV. What is it like in your circle of friends? Do they all already know about protection through therapy?

    In my queer circle of acquaintances, largely yes. But I recently explained at length to a heterosexual friend who has a lot of fears about HIV and Aids what PrEP is and that HIV treatment can prevent the transmission of the virus. She didn't know any of this and was relieved and grateful for the information afterwards.

    "PrEP has proven to be highly effective protection in recent years (...). Now it's a matter of ensuring supply in rural areas too."

    For more than two years, the PrEP as a health insurance benefit, including for gay men. What is your assessment after two years of PrEP on prescription?

    Nowadays there are three good and effective methods of prevention: condoms, PrEP and therapy. PrEP has proven to be highly effective protection in recent years - as shown by research conducted by the RKI to accompany and evaluate the introduction of PrEP. According to this, it is estimated that up to 21,600 people in Germany were already using PrEP in 2020, almost predominantly men. We also know that there are very large regional differences in PrEP use - use is particularly widespread in large cities such as Berlin. Now it's all about that, to ensure supply in rural areas as well and in regions where there are fewer doctors who prescribe PrEP - and at the same time to disseminate information about PrEP even further into the community.

    How much has PrEP changed gay (sex) life?

    I think almost every gay man knows the feeling of waiting for the results of an HIV test at regular intervals and hoping that the test is negative. This constant fear of infection can be demoralising and has often been a burden at the back of your mind - even though sexuality should actually be liberating and free of fear. PrEP has given gay men additional security - for many, PrEP is a liberation, even if it does not protect against other STIs.

    "This constant fear of infection can be demoralising and was often a burden in the back of our minds - even though sexuality should actually be liberating and free of fear."

    Your partner Arndt Klocke has already been outed as a PrEP user in an interview and also showed his face on social media with ICH WEISS WAS ICH TU in favour of PrEP. Now, of course, we are very interested: Which of the three safer sex methods to protect against HIV do you use and why?

    I've stuck with the good old condom so far. (laughs)

    Arndt Klocke and you have been a couple for 20 years. So to finish, please give us a relationship tip: how do you manage to have a happy relationship - despite a career and a lot of commuting between NRW and Berlin?

    My husband and I make sure that we have time together - our private lives are sacred to both of us. We spend the weekends together as often as possible, either in Cologne or Berlin. We go to the cinema a lot, we're interested in culture, sport and travelling. And somehow the commute is exhausting, but it's also good for the relationship because we always look forward to seeing each other again.

    You and Mr Klocke were recently on the podcast Queer stuff as a guest. There you also talked about sex outside of a relationship. You said that you would "grant and wish for open relationships for straight people too." Why would you recommend an open relationship?

    I would not like to recommend any particular Relationship model. Because how relationships are lived, what makes you happy and what fulfilling sexuality means is something that everyone has to decide for themselves and negotiate with other people. What I would definitely recommend, however, is openness - both within partnerships and externally. Because that frees you up and also creates new spaces for other people to dare to do the same. Self-determined sexuality with changing partners, committed monogamous partnerships and all variations in between: Being able to decide for yourself without stigma is at the heart of a liberal society. And this also includes a sex-positive policy.

  • Prejudices make you ill. HIV under therapy does not.

    Prejudices make you ill. HIV under therapy does not.

    The "positive voices 2.0" study has shown: The majority of people with HIV surveyed can now live well with the infection. But at the same time, many experience discrimination and marginalisation on a daily basis!

    All of this has a significant negative impact on health, well-being and sexual satisfaction. Added to this are feelings of shame and guilt.

    The study also shows that more than 50% of respondents have been rejected at least once during sex in the past 12 months. And this despite the fact that there is protection through therapy.

    Watch our video now:

    The good news is that since Protection through therapy 40 per cent of those surveyed experience less discrimination. The HIV medication suppresses the multiplication of HIV in the body. HIV can then no longer be transmitted during sex.

    So if you have already asked yourself what you can do to combat discrimination against people with HIV, then this would be the first step. Pass it on: HIV is not transmissible under therapy. Tell your friends, family or work colleagues.

    And there's more you can do. Show solidarity wherever people with HIV are marginalised or discriminated against! And find out more at iwwit.de! Here you will find lots more information about living with HIV. And you will find information on how you or others can defend yourself against discrimination and marginalisation.

    We also show in our Campaign authentic images of people with HIV, because they are an indispensable part of our community.

    You want more? Then get in touch with IWWIT - and tell us what you think! Or tell us about your ideas or wishes on the topic of living with HIV: On Facebook, Instagram or classically by e-mail. We look forward to seeing you!

  • "Syphilis can also be contracted through kissing or oral sex." - In conversation with a general practitioner

    "Syphilis can also be contracted through kissing or oral sex." - In conversation with a general practitioner

    The Robert Koch Institute has recorded a continuous increase in syphilis cases in Germany since 2010. More than 80 per cent of these cases can be traced back to sexual contact between men. To what extent are these figures also reflected in everyday medical practice? An interview with the Berlin general practitioner and infectiologist Dr Christoph Schuler

    Dr. Christoph Schuler – Experience report on syphilis in gay men
    „We see new cases of syphilis every week“ – Interview with Dr. Schuler from Berlin

    Syphilis in gay men: a persistent problem in practice

    Christoph Schuler, your patient base also includes a large percentage of gay men. To what extent does syphilis play a role in your everyday practice?
    We certainly have a new case in our practice every week on average, and have had one for several years. The number of cases has not necessarily increased in recent months, but it has remained very constant at a high level over a long period of time.

    From your practical experience, can you identify certain patient groups that are particularly affected?
    We discover a lot of syphilis infections in our HIV patients, if only because they are regularly screened for sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

    How gay men can become infected with syphilis

    This means that new infections are detected automatically and at a very early stage.
    Correct. On the other hand, there are many non-positive patients who come to us because of suspicious symptoms or who have had a routine STI test done on their own initiative.

    Some have also been tested elsewhere, for example at testing facilities in gay counselling centres, and then visited us after being diagnosed. And last but not least, there are also men who have learnt from their sexual partner that they have been diagnosed with syphilis and have therefore had themselves tested.

    Does it also happen that the same patient gets infected again and again?
    This is indeed the case, but with syphilis in particular it is very difficult to distinguish whether it is a new infection or a flare-up of an inadequately treated infection.

    Could the fact that the number of infections is so consistently high or even rising possibly be due to a change in sexual behaviour? Namely that gay men are having more sex without condoms again?
    I don't see a direct connection. Of course, condoms are dispensed with more often because HIV treatment is effective.

    ... and therefore the virus can no longer be transmitted.
    Secondly, safe sex with a condom is not a practice that can completely rule out syphilis infection. You can also become infected through kissing or oral sex.

    In our practical experience, however, there are certainly scenes in which syphilis infections are more likely to occur, for example in men who are sexually active or go to sex parties. If new infections occur here, they are also passed on quickly. This makes it all the more important to inform your sexual partners if you have been diagnosed with an infection so that your partner can be treated.

    Stigmatisation of syphilis among homosexual patients

    Syphilis appears to be more morally burdensome than other sexually transmitted diseases. Is it really easier for patients to go to the doctor for gonorrhoea, for example?
    That is indeed the case. Patients in particular who have never had to deal with an STI before and only have occasional sexual contact feel quite offended and are sometimes a little shocked. This is clearly due to the stigmatising character that syphilis still has. Even if syphilis is treated: a scar remains visible in the blood for life. But the treatment also differs from that of many other STIs: The injections can be quite painful and - depending on how late the infection was discovered - may need to be repeated at weekly intervals. If you have allergies, daily infusions or several weeks of tablets may also be necessary. The treatment of gonorrhoea or chlamydia, on the other hand, is much simpler and less complicated.

    The alt text describes the image content in a factual and accessible manner, including a focus phrase.
    Diagnosis and progression: How syphilis is documented in practice

    Why syphilis is particularly common among gay men

    Unlike with hepatitis A, for example, once you have recovered from syphilis you are not automatically protected from a new infection. How do people deal with it if they catch it more than once?
    Recently, I have seen more and more patients who are very frustrated and say: "I'm not going to do anything anymore". Not only has the number of syphilis cases increased, but gonorrhoea and chlamydia are also more widespread. Some people have obviously lost their desire to have sex, at least when it comes to sex in public places.

    Thank you very much for the interview!

    More about syphilis with transmission, treatment and protection you can find out here in the clip

  • Sex in old age - information and 4 testimonials

    Sex in old age - information and 4 testimonials

    Sex in old age: between change, closeness and new lust

    Sex doesn't stop just because we get older - on the contrary. Many people experience a new quality of intimacy and pleasure as they get older. But „sex in old age“ is still a taboo subject in our society, especially when it comes to gay men.

    A lot changes as you get older: your body reacts differently, your libido can fluctuate and sometimes health issues take centre stage. At the same time, emotional closeness becomes more important. Instead of the pressure to perform, mindfulness, trust and new experiences take centre stage.

    Society also has some catching up to do: the sexuality of older people - especially gay men - is often overlooked. This makes it all the more important to talk about it openly.

    Two elderly men greet each other warmly during a walk in the park.
    Openness and joie de vivre even beyond the age of 60

    Physical changes

    The hormonal balance changes with increasing age - testosterone levels in particular fall. This can have an impact on libido, erectile function and sexual performance. These physical changes are completely normal and are part of natural ageing.

    Nevertheless, sex remains fulfilling for many men in old age - often even more intense, because the focus shifts: less on performance and more on closeness, mindfulness and conscious enjoyment. If you recognise and accept your body's signals, you can live your sexuality healthily and confidently in old age. If necessary, medical counselling or supportive aids can also help to reduce insecurities.

    Sexual health in old age

    Sex in old age is not only possible, but can also be beneficial to your health. Studies show that regular sexual activity can have positive effects on the circulatory system, immune system and mental well-being. The prostate also benefits - according to some studies, regular ejaculation can reduce the risk of prostate problems.

    At the same time, hormonal changes or chronic illnesses can bring challenges. It is therefore important to be aware of your own body and be willing to talk about problems. Sexually transmitted diseases are also often underestimated in old age - regular testing and protection are just as relevant as in younger years.

    Psychological aspects of sex in old age

    Sex in old age is not only a physical but also an emotional challenge and opportunity at the same time. Many men struggle with insecurities, for example due to physical changes, diminishing potency or societal ideas about how „masculine“ or „powerful“ sexuality should be.

    Self-image plays a central role here. If you accept yourself and treat your own body with love, you can also experience intimacy in a new way - free from pressure or expectations. Especially in old age, deeper, more honest relationships often develop because many men know their needs better and are more open about them. Sexuality in old age does not mean withdrawal, but often a new approach to closeness, pleasure and self-confidence.

    Older men play chess in the park and enjoy their time together.
    Open dialogue, closeness and community in old age

    Partnership and relationship

    With increasing age, the dynamics in partnerships often change and with them sexuality. Many couples experience less sexual activity, but a deeper form of intimacy. Conversations about desires, boundaries and new needs become more important.

    Sex in old age doesn't have to look like it used to. For some couples, this means more tenderness, more attentiveness and less pressure to perform. For others, it can mean allowing new impulses or getting over longstanding taboos. Long-standing relationships in particular benefit from honest communication and the courage to rediscover things.

    Social perspectives

    In our society, sex in old age is still a taboo subject - especially when it comes to gay men. Older bodies are often seen as asexual, invisible or no longer desirable. These prejudices can become deeply engrained in their self-image and lead to men feeling ashamed of their sexual desires or suppressing them. Yet the need for closeness, lust and intimacy is not a question of age. On the contrary: many men discover new facets of their sexuality later in life. This makes it all the more important that these experiences are seen and recognised. Sex in old age deserves visibility, respect and a natural place in the public eye.

    Practical tips for fulfilling sex in old age

    Sex in old age can change and can also be rediscovered. If you keep an open mind and embrace your own needs, you can experience a lot. Small aids such as lubricants, sexual enhancers or sex toys can help when the body changes. A relaxed atmosphere, time and trust also play an important role. Communication is just as important: talking openly about desires, fears or boundaries creates closeness, especially in new relationships. Anyone who feels insecure can also seek medical or therapeutic support.

    Sex in old age - 4 testimonials

    The prejudice persists that old people don't have sex. Not at all! Perhaps priorities are shifting and cuddling is becoming more important than a hot fuck, but sex still plays a role in the 60-plus generation, as these four gay men report by way of example.

    Sex in old age - 4 testimonials
    Sex with your partner
    K

    Kurt (62)

    from Zeitz

    I've been living with my partner for eight years. We got married four years ago. Many couples just sleep in the same bed after such a long time, but nothing happens. With us, however, it does.

    We regularly have sex with each other, but also with other men - sometimes together, sometimes individually. That gives our sex life the necessary spice.

    „But when we invite someone over, we expect more than just lying down and holding out our hole. For us, sex includes kissing, tenderness, licking and rimming as well as a hot blowjob.“
    Sex as a single
    J

    Julio (66)

    from Cologne

    Why so many gay men have a problem with getting older is a mystery to me. I still have sex and find it much more intense than when I was younger.

    But sometimes I'm also looking for a kick: I regularly fly to Gran Canaria to go naturist. I feel free in the dunes of Maspalomas and enjoy the fact that others feel the same way.

    „I stopped going to bars a long time ago. They're all giraffes: first they stick their necks out and then you look at them and they bury their heads in the sand.“
    Sex for money
    JC

    Jean-Claude (66)

    from Karlsruhe

    When I was as young as the men I find beautiful and attractive, homosexuality was still considered sick and disgusting. I find it wonderful when a young man lies next to me and I can give him the love that I lacked back then.

    It goes without saying that I give them something for their tenderness and the time they spend with me.

    „But I've never ordered a professional callboy. That would be far too business-like for me. I need the feeling of being liked.“
    Hardly any sex
    K

    Karl (60)

    from Dillenburg

    Everyone has certain ideas about a potential sex partner. I myself like the look of younger, sporty men. But there has to be a good interpersonal fit too. That makes it almost impossible for me to stay sexually active.

    Because for my target group, I'm an old bag and I live in a real backwater. Sex for sale is out of the question for me.

    „But not having sex doesn't mean that I'm frustrated. I mainly have younger friends. I've also retained a bit of eroticism: I'm a passionate wrestler.“

    FAQ: Frequently asked questions about sex in old age

    Is sex still healthy in old age?

    Yes, studies show that regular sex in old age can have a positive effect on the cardiovascular system, hormones and mental well-being. The prostate also benefits from sexual activity.

    How often do men have sex in old age?

    That is very individual. Some have more desire than before, others less. The important thing is not the frequency, but that sexuality in old age meets your own needs.

    Are there aids for fulfilling sex in old age?

    Yes, sexual enhancers, lubricants or sex toys can help when the body is changing. Counselling from doctors or sex therapy can also help.

    What to do about erectile dysfunction in old age?

    Erection problems are common in old age. Open dialogue with your partner and medical help can provide relief. Medication and other aids are well tolerated today.

    How does sexuality change in long-term relationships?

    Many couples experience less sex, but deeper intimacy. Communication about desires and openness to new things are crucial for experiencing closeness in old age.

    Why is there so little talk about sex in old age?

    Sexuality in old age is often a taboo in society. Gay men in particular experience invisibility or prejudice in old age. Testimonials help to change this.

    How does pleasure change with age?

    Pleasure can become more intense, slower or even more conscious with age. Physical changes influence the sensation - but not the ability to feel pleasure.

    Similar blog posts

    Need someone to talk to?

    Whether acute or simply for orientation - sometimes it helps to talk to someone in confidence.
    Use the Gay Health Chat - the button at the bottom right will accompany you on the page. There you can chat anonymously and free of charge:

    - Personal live advice in the chat
    - Help by e-mail or telephone
    - Information on health, law, everyday life and more

  • Age difference in a relationship: When love knows no age

    Age difference in a relationship: When love knows no age

    The "gay generation" is getting on in years. The over-60s are confidently taking advantage of what the gay scene has to offer - as long as their health plays along. A mood report from Hamburg.

    Age difference relationship: Growing older in the gay scene

    "I'm not going to do that scene to myself when I'm 70," Karl-Heinz realises. He no longer wants to wait in a bar for his prince charming. "You just have to realise that: For the scene is You feel old, even if you have a completely different impression," explains the retired vocational school teacher. "If you look at yourself in the mirror every day, you don't realise how you're ageing."

    Avoiding bars is easy for the single man. He prefers to look for sex outdoors, for example in the city park. "I enjoy the chase," says Karl-Heinz and laughs. "The guys I get there wouldn't look at my arse in a bar."

    New ways of meeting in old age

    Cruising can also be very sociable. Almost 20 years ago, Karl-Heinz met a man almost 20 years his junior while cruising the dunes of Ibiza. They didn't have sex, but when they met again in the beach supermarket, they arranged to meet for dinner. This is how Karl-Heinz met a gay trekking group. Since then, he has hiked with them at least once a year through the low mountain ranges and knows the Harz Mountains almost by heart.

    Karl-Heinz no longer goes to gay bars - but is still well connected with other gays. Together with a fellow volunteer from the gay information shop, he is currently organising Hein & Fiete a "Gay History Tour" through St Pauli. Like Karl-Heinz, many older men are present in the community - they are used to it. "There is a lot of interest in specific counselling and leisure activities for gay and bisexual men over 50," says Heiko Gerlach. Together with Christian Szillat, the qualified nurse surveyed gay men in Hamburg and analysed the answers on behalf of the AIDS-Hilfe Hamburg analysed. "Männerliebende Männer 50 plus in Hamburg" is the name of her study, which she published on Radio Pink Channel have introduced themselves. A special generation, according to the two experts: they were the first to live their homosexuality relatively openly. It is not surprising that they are now openly demanding that their circumstances be taken into account in old age.

    When health determines everyday life

    So as long as the body keeps up, gay life continues happily beyond the age of fifty. Eckhard also used to go to the sauna regularly a few years ago. He still knows what's on offer: Partner discount on Fridays, wellness on Sundays and "40up" on Wednesdays with a discount for over-40s. "She could do a '70up' day for me," says Eckhard and smiles. In recent years, the trained electrician has spent more time in hospital than in the sauna. Following a heart operation, Eckhard moved into a retirement home in St. Georg in 2013, in the "Regenbogen" ward. "That doesn't mean anything," says Eckhard, "I'm the only gay person here for miles around."

    For a long time, Eckhard could not imagine that he would ever need help. He even put his HIV infection behind him. Eckhard was diagnosed in 1990 and persevered until the first combination therapies were available. "Now I've been below the detection limit for over twelve years," he says proudly. "HIV doesn't cause me any problems - they only came as I got older." In the meantime, a few have come together. Eckhard's table in the 20 square metre room is neatly lined up: a wristband for measuring blood pressure, a device for measuring blood sugar, an insulin syringe. There is also an asthma spray and a cardboard box of cough sweets. "This variety of complaints is driving me crazy," says Karl-Heinz. "It's always in the back of my mind: what's next?"

    Gay couple with an age difference: Jibben (68) and Philipp (41) in Hamburg
    Jibben (68) has been together with Philipp (41) for 15 years and they got married in 2006. "Philipp is of course also a reason why I stay fit," says Jibben.

    Age difference relationship: Two generations, one everyday life

    Jibben also sometimes worries "that his bones aren't cooperating as well". But he doesn't let that get him down. His antidote: do a lot. The 68-year-old manages three websites, including the gay and lesbian portal hamburg.gay-web.info. „I hope that's one reason why I'm still fit upstairs,“ says the broad-shouldered man with the white goatee, tapping his head. „Philipp is also a reason, of course,“ adds Jibben gently, „as a young husband, that sometimes keeps you on your toes.“

    Partnership across age boundaries

    Jibben has been together with Philipp (41; seen together in the photo) for 15 years and they got married in 2006. Every year at the Hamburg Pride street festival, the two of them sit in the organisation container, take in lost property and use radios to ensure that every stand has electricity and water. Jibben hasn't had enough of the scene yet. „That's also because I went to a gay bar for the first time when I was 50,“ Jibben surmises. „In hindsight, I wish I'd started earlier,“ says Jibben, „because I definitely missed out on a lot.“

    FAQ: Age difference relationship in the gay community

    Relationships with an age difference raise many questions - especially in the gay community. In this FAQ, we answer key questions about partnership, acceptance, challenges and social perception.

    What does a big age difference mean in a relationship?

    A large age difference in the relationship describes partnerships in which there are several decades between the partners. In the gay community, this constellation is comparatively common and often more socially visible than in heterosexual relationships.

    Are relationships with an age difference stable in the long term?

    Yes, many relationships with an age difference are stable and long-term. It is not the years of life that are decisive, but shared values, mutual respect and similar ideas about living together. The article shows that such partnerships can work for many years.

    Why are age differences more visible in the gay scene?

    For historical reasons, many gay men were only able to live their sexuality openly later. As a result, encounters between generations occur more frequently - for example in the scene, in voluntary work or through shared interests. The age difference in the relationship is often consciously accepted.

    What challenges does a relationship with an age difference entail?

    Different life phases, health issues or social expectations can present challenges. At the same time, many couples report that openness and communication help to constructively bridge these differences.

    Does age still play a big role in the gay community today?

    Age continues to play a role, for example in access to the scene or physical expectations. However, it is becoming increasingly apparent that rigid age limits are becoming less important - especially in relationships where closeness and trust are more important than numbers.

    How is the age difference in the relationship perceived from the outside?

    The perception is different. While some couples are confronted with prejudice, others experience a great deal of acceptance. Social discourse has opened up and relationships with an age difference are now viewed in a more differentiated way than in the past.

    Voices from the community

    Reports, experiences and perspectives on love, ageing, health and cohesion in the community.

    Need someone to talk to?

    Whether acute or simply for orientation - sometimes it helps to talk to someone in confidence.
    Use the Gay Health Chat - the button at the bottom right will accompany you on the page. There you can chat anonymously and free of charge:

    - Personal live advice in the chat
    - Help by e-mail or telephone
    - Information on health, law, everyday life and more

  • "Are you naked during sex?" - Experiences of a gay cis man with a trans* partner

    "Are you naked during sex?" - Experiences of a gay cis man with a trans* partner

    How two men lead a partnership and have sex is seemingly clear. But when one is trans*, the other sometimes has a lot of questions. Till (32) knows what many gay cis men think when it comes to trans* men. Two of his ex-boyfriends are trans*. Here, the Hamburg resident by choice tells us how his friends reacted and what he took away from the relationships.

    Till, two of your ex-boyfriends are trans*. Has your self-image as a gay man changed as a result of these relationships?
    No. Why? We are men who have desired and loved each other. It doesn't get any gayer than that.

    Did you sometimes get any nasty reactions when you were out and about?
    Never on the street, actually. As we were both read as men without a break, we only got homophobic remarks - if at all. Just like other gay couples get.

    How did your friends react to your partner coming out?
    First of all, it's important to know: Not all of my friends knew that my partner was trans*. Even some of my very good friends still don't know to this day. Others only realised months later.

    Why?
    Because my ex-boyfriends decide for themselves who they want to share their transition story with - and when. This sometimes led to the friends who knew about it reacting with incomprehension. They would have liked my ex-boyfriends to be as open as they were. With straight friends, I could easily counter and say "You didn't tell me how long your boyfriend's cock is either! " It wasn't so easy with my gay friends, where the conversation is very open (laughs). When I said: "That's not your business!" I just had to put up with being the stupid bourgeois. It's not my favourite role, but it was important to me - out of respect for my lover.

    Would you say that there are differences between a gay and a trans* coming out?
    Yes, I had to realise that first: being gay usually refers to sexuality and being trans* always refers to gender. So we're talking about different aspects. It was important to my partners and me to be "out and proud" as gay men. Both of my partners had also come out as gay and were open about their sexuality. Unfortunately, I have sometimes experienced gay men who have come out as trans* and then had to learn that their gender and therefore their gay identity were called into question.

    Can you explain that in more detail?
    When my partner at the time came out as trans*, his masculinity was often questioned - by the same people who previously perceived him simply as a man. What was previously unambiguous and clear then led to stupid questions like "Do you really feel like a gay couple?" or "What does it look like down there?"

    How did you deal with such questions as a partner?
    It all depended on the situation. If I had the feeling that the question was meant to embarrass my friend, I usually asked an equally intimate and invasive counter-question. In response to the other person's horrified reaction, I could growl "See, that's none of your business!" However, if the questions were asked respectfully and there was genuine interest behind them, I made it clear that their questions were very intimate and that I wouldn't tell them anything so personal about my boyfriend. But I offered to talk about trans* people in general and tried to clarify their questions in this way. Sometimes, when I was too annoyed by the same questions over and over again, I would say flippantly: "Just Google it!"

    Where do you think the stupid questions came from?
    First of all, many people still believe that they have to and can determine who is a man between their legs - and who is not. Yet everyone knows that there is so much that goes into being a complete man! For many gay men, their sexual desire is also focussed on their partner's cock. The idea that this could be different to what they are used to makes some people feel insecure. I realised this with a very good friend of mine who found my ex incredibly hot. At some point, he was so irritated that he once asked me seriously: "Tell me, when you have sex, are you naked?" That's when I realised what kind of mental cinema he was playing.

    What was his problem?
    Many gay men probably feel threatened in their comfort zone when they believe that their "classic" idea of gay sex no longer applies. But sex can be so hot if you keep getting involved with the other person! This applies to all gay men, whether cis or trans*. In my experience, it's at its hottest when we both find out together and carefully what makes us hot and happy at any given moment.

    What was your first time with a trans* man like? Did you negotiate what would happen beforehand?
    For me, it was more about sensing, feeling and doing than talking. The situation was also so good that I didn't have time to get my head round it. We fucked for four days straight and only stopped briefly to eat.

    We are talking about your very personal experiences here. What do you take away from the two relationships?
    Oh, lots of things! Above all, to be grateful for many wonderful experiences, just like with all my ex-boyfriends, and for a lot of very personal things ... My sexuality is no longer so genital-fixated. So much is possible! I don't just have my mouth, cock and arsehole, but also my arms, legs and the backs of my knees. The whole body is something very sexual. It's crucial that the people involved get involved with each other. Since I realised that the long doesn't always have to go round and round, I've also had better sex with cis men. (laughs)

    Till-Cis partnership
    Two of Till's ex-partners are trans* men. Here he talks about his experiences.
  • Crystal meth & sex dates against bad thoughts

    Crystal meth & sex dates against bad thoughts

    Who dares to open up about their sex and love life on stage in front of an audience - from their first wet dream in their cot to bad experiences with crystal meth? Ben Strothmann has done it - and the world can currently watch him do it online. In his one-man show "Coming Clean", the 42-year-old talks about his life, first as a gay teenager in Milwaukee, then as a drug-addicted escort in New York.

    [Editor's note: This article contains discussions about alcohol and drug use, as well as sexual transgressions].

    Ben clutches his heart with his right hand as he speaks. A photo of Ben as a little boy is projected onto the wall in the background.

    It's funny at first: his first great love for a cartoon rooster, his artistic contortions to blow himself - and his gay rebirth as an actor in New York. But suddenly his play becomes more serious. The audience still has plenty to laugh about, but Ben talks about how his previous life has gradually worn him down. Out of curiosity and a need for money, he starts working as an escort. He talks about how he exploited his clients and how they dumped him in return. Drugs increasingly dominated his life. The title hints at it: "Coming Clean" ends on a conciliatory note. Ben has overcome his addiction because he has made peace with himself. A conversation about drugs, sex and loving yourself.

    Ben, in "Coming Clean" you talk openly about your life, including sex work and drug use. Were you sometimes afraid of shocking your friends while writing?

    Ben Strothmann: Very often, in fact! In my show, I even say to the audience once: "Listen, not everyone knows about this. Please don't tell anyone what you're hearing here tonight." At first I thought that I would only perform the play once and then never talk about it again. The funny thing is that this first performance was in a church, the Judson Memorial Church in New York. The church sees artists as messengers of God. That's why they are allowed to perform there. They don't tell you what you can or can't do there. Their only rule is: please refrain from hate speech!

    At the beginning, your play seems like comedy. Everything is hilarious. Then it gets more serious and drastic. For example, you describe how you, as an escort, blow one of your clients and burst into tears. Even back then, you thought: "Some time this will sound funny like a scene from 'Showgirls'." (Editor's note: "At some point, this will sound as funny as a scene from 'Showgirls'.")

    When I went on stage with the show for the first time, I had no idea it was comedy. I spoke to the audience, people laughed and I thought to myself: "Oh, this is obviously funny..." I realised from the first draft of "Coming Clean" that it was going to be a play about radical self-love. Accept yourself as you are - come what may! For no reason at all. Because: what else can you do with your life? I wanted to show people how I did it.

    I realised from the first draft of "Coming Clean" that it would be a piece about radical self-love.

    In some stark scenes, you interrupt your play and speak to "little Ben", the child inside you. A photo of you as a child then appears on a screen.

    The idea of talking to my inner child and saying "I love you, Ben!" came about organically. For example, I remember a person I dated twelve years ago. I was going through withdrawal for the first time at the time. I told him on the phone that I had started talking to my inner child. As if I was his father. That's when I realised that he was crying on the other end of the line. That's when I realised: Oh! I've discovered something that helps others learn to love themselves.

    Ben pulls his T-shirt over his mouth and nose and looks anxiously to the left in his theatre play about crystal meth consumption.

    Did you find it difficult to love yourself in the past?

    Yes, very much. When I wrote the play, I was very interested in how people come up with the idea: "If anyone knew what I was really like, he or she could never love me". Why do people become like that? And how can you help someone who has got caught up in these thoughts? That's why I open up like this in the play, to say to people: "Listen! I'm standing here on stage talking about how I wet the bed and do other things I'm ashamed of. But I'm certainly not the only one in this room who has experienced something like that. The only difference is that I'm prepared to talk about it." I want everyone to know that you can be open and honest with the world - and still be loveable! I want to show people step by step: this is how I learnt to love myself. For example, because I can tell really good stories.

    One of these stories is your first time - with crystal meth and "Rich, the dealer". Not only did he supply you with drugs, you also had great sex. Why do you remember this encounter so well?

    I'm certainly not going to proclaim here: "Sex on drugs is so much better!" (laughs) But the good thing about this experience was that I managed to switch off the bad thoughts that usually buzz around in my head. Before that, I had never looked in the mirror and felt attractive. I describe this special moment in my piece: I go into the bathroom, look in the mirror and am amazed at what I see! I just think: "There's this hot guy next door who I'm about to go to bed with - and he gets all this. Namely me! What a lucky guy!" Although the feeling was artificial, it liberated me. I could enjoy the sex and felt physically and spiritually connected to Rich - without the stupid feeling that I wasn't good enough. That's how crystal meth works. A doctor once explained to me, "On crystal meth, you could have sex with a horse and think it's great fun." It removes the ability to feel bad. But only up to the point when you come down again. Then suddenly everything is terrible and terrifying.

    Crystal meth removes the ability to feel bad. But only up to the point when you come down again. Then suddenly everything is terrible and terrifying.

    It took you several attempts to be able to live without crystal meth again. The "Twelve Steps" helped you with this. You also abstained from sex for a year. How did that come about?

    There is no one right way to get clean. And the "Twelve Steps" don't say: "You mustn't have sex!" But I had an experienced "sponsor", a mentor at my side. He was a Californian surfer dude with a huge beard. One of his first pieces of advice was: "No dating and no sex for a year." I said to him at the time: "Eh...? You don't know me at all. What makes you think I even need that?" And he said: "You'll be very busy with your relationship with yourself. You can't concentrate on it if you're distracted by other relationships."

    Did you go through with it in the end?

    Yes, because I realised at some point during my withdrawal attempts: Sex dates are the only thing I could replace alcohol and other drugs with. There were nights when I was just about to go to bed and thought: "Hm. I could actually ask someone out quickly." So I arranged a date, the guy came round, we had sex and he left. Afterwards, I thought again: "Hm. If I'm going to bed straight away anyway, I can quickly ask someone else out." So sometimes I had three men in a row. I don't want to complain about it, but I gradually realised: Just like alcohol and drugs, I was using another person as an escape to avoid being alone with my thoughts.

    I treat my sexual partners much more sensitively these days.

    What did you take away from your sexual fasting period?

    I think I treat my sex partners much more sensitively these days. After the "#MeToo" debate, I hate to admit it, but I only invited many of my sex partners over to use them. That's how my brain was conditioned back then after seven years of pills, alcohol and trying to run away from myself. In the end, I realised: I have no right to do this to a person! Everyone exists for their own sake, everyone has their own needs. That's why I actually took some time off sexually to change my relationship with sex and intimacy.

    A useful experience for surviving the corona lockdown...

    Yeah, it seems like I've been training for the pandemic, doesn't it? Let's add another 14 months! (laughs) But seriously, the past year in lockdown has been a great opportunity for me to realise that I can actually enjoy being alone. It feels like having a good friend of mine over. But it's been hard work getting to this point.

    Ben is kneeling and looking up to the right. Behind him on a virtual blackboard are various scribbles, such as "BEN + DOUG" in a heart, "I LOVE DOUG", "1 + 1 = BEN LOVES DOUG", or "GURL!" in a circle.

    What helps you to feel okay?

    Just one example. I used to think that my circle of friends was constantly changing. That's why I literally made myself a spreadsheet so I wouldn't forget my best friends. It reminds me that gives People who love me and have always loved me! Sometimes I still feel lonely, but no longer in a sad way. I now appreciate my own company.

    Your play is still online. But can we see you live in Germany?

    Well... it's hard to say. I actually wanted to go to the CSD in Constance and before that at the "Animal Pride", a festival for animal rights. After that, I wanted to tour Germany. I've already had my first dose of the vaccine, but of course I know that I could still pass on the coronavirus, even if I don't fall ill myself. It would be irresponsible to start travelling around. Animal Pride is on 3 July and it's already March... I'm afraid our immunisation won't work that quickly.

    Ben Strothmann (42) lives in New York and works as a theatre photographer, actor and drag queen. As Honey LaBronx, he hosts the podcast "Big Fat Vegan Radio" and in his "Vegan Drag Queen Cooking Show" on YouTube, he cooks good food without animal ingredients. A recording of his theatre piece "Coming Clean" is currently available online (ticket: 18 dollars):

    www.vegandragqueen.com/coming-clean-a-play-by-ben-strothmann

    You can find information on drugs and chemsex at IWWIT at iwwit.de/drugs. In the Gay Health Chat we will also answer all your questions live and anonymously.

    Do you use crystal meth or other chems for sex? If you're happy and everything is going well, we don't want to talk you into it! If things aren't going well, you're no longer horny and you want to change something, we are here for you! Simply click on aidshilfe.de/chemsex-support-quapsss

    Ben takes a bow on stage in his theatre play about crystal meth use in front of an audience that gives him a standing ovation.