Gay girls

Before our author came out as trans, she lived as a gay man. That's why she still has a lot in common with the gay community and her experiences still influence her on sex dates today.

My life actually started under completely different circumstances. I was supposed to like boys' toys and football was supposed to be my hobby. Later on, I was supposed to pick up girls, wear my hair short or keep it masculine with a dad cut. But my extensions were to turn my parents' dream into a nightmare, which at times sealed my own misfortune. And it was anything but a nightmare, it was quite real. That is also part of the omens: not just mere expectations, no, they are curses, they predict bad things. Those who do not live up to them will suffer.

I was born a girl, but my parents wanted to make me a boy - I found my true gender on the run. Today I'm Samantha and I'm ready to shatter the expectations of my past every day, to say goodbye to them. I am trans, I am a lady and I always have been.

So why am I writing on a gay sex blog? A blog for men - but perhaps also for women with a gay background. After all, I come from the same shore, from Planet Feminus, and have also lived a gay life. And this gayness will always be a part of me. Before I wore my first Pimkie clothes, I let the gay twinkle hang out and nailed everything with a penis that came my way. Or let myself be nailed, I'm not like that - until today.

At some point I realised: the chick in you isn't satisfied with the cute gay boy, no, she finally wants to go public and get into other people's beds. So I called myself Samantha and became more and more of a woman - with gay experiences. The sex I've had as a woman since then is connected to my history as a gay man or gay woman. Apart from the fact that I hang out with gay men on the same apps - and not just since Grindr officially allowed trans women.

Sure, there are expectations there too. A trans woman should be submissive, feminine, pretty, have big puffy boobs, be completely shaved and smooth. I can already deliver a partial package of that. But to be honest, it's just humiliating. Sometimes you feel like the last one when you're contacted and you realise that the guy is specifically looking for someone like me. Sometimes it's even in the profile name. I become a fetish - quite regularly - and it repels me. But at the same time it turns me on.

When I daydream and imagine any man falling in love with me like any cisgender woman, it really stabs me in the heart that tranny lovers even exist and that I should be their prey. I would love to meet a man without these thoughts and fears that probably only trans women know. Whether he me or just the fact that I'm trans? Am I femme enough, or do the whiskers sting too much? Does he want my cock soft and tucked away - or does he prefer to ride it?

With all the questions, I get completely lost as a person, but of course it also turns me on. I like being a sex object and letting people have their way with me. Disposable sex. That's gay life for me too: having the opportunity to fuck quickly and without compromise. But I want more than that. That's what connects me to gay men. But that's probably what all fucking people have in common: It's never enough and always a little bit off.

What I appreciate about my new life are the changes in sex. Especially the physical changes: my penis now feels more like what I want. My tits may not be firm, but they're still nice to knead. I therefore have no regrets about finally living my life as the person I've always been. The fact that I used to associate my gay side with being a man is something I can no longer comprehend. Nevertheless, I think that gay men and I have more in common than you might realise.