"It's a bonus for me as a sex worker that I'm trans"

Tom, who actually has a different name but prefers to remain anonymous, identifies as trans-masculine and has been working as a sex worker since he was 19[1] [2] We spoke to him about what it's like to be a trans person in sex work.

 

Why did you decide to become involved in sex work?

I've always been interested in it, ever since I was 16 years old. I wanted to start doing it as soon as I came of age, but I had just started my hormone replacement. Every person certainly has their own sense of intimacy, but I realised relatively quickly that having sex with people is not a problem for me and it's not exceptionally emotional for me. It's a job that I'm good at and I'm especially good at reading body language. Sex work is not easy work! Sex itself isn't easy either, especially not with people you've never met before - my body changed quite dramatically, especially at the beginning, and it's an intimate and unsettling thing to experience. Sharing this intimacy with people would have been too much for me. So it was good to wait a little longer.

 

So how exactly did you get into sex work?

In the beginning, before I offered sexual services myself, I used Gayromeo to arrange dates with men I didn't find attractive - in other words, with men who weren't my type or were much older than me. That's how I tried myself out. After doing this a few times, I realised that it wasn't a problem for me at all. Then I started advertising for myself and met my first customers.

 

You are not registered as a sex worker; why?

I didn't want to register. There is no other profession in Germany where you have to register like in prostitution. Sex workers are not only registered with the tax office, they also have to register again. If you are between the ages of 18 and 21, you also have to undergo compulsory counselling every six months - similar to abortions. The state wants to prevent human trafficking or coercion. I was always worried that people close to me could be accused of this.

 

What kind of people contact you, who are your customers?

With most of them, I can't even say why they book me. But there are a lot of people who are gay, for example, and want to have sex with a male person who has a vagina. I always think that's really cool and definitely better than them taking advantage of a person who doesn't know that they just want to try themselves out. But I also get a lot of bookings from bisexual men who are into androgyny. Then I also sometimes have bisexual men who have never had sex with a male person and who actually wanted to book a cis-male sex worker and then found me. They often find it much more pleasant because they want to have sex with a man but are afraid of men with a penis.

 

Do you think being trans is a bonus at work?

It's definitely a bonus that I'm trans, because it often makes me stand out on platforms. It also helps that I'm young. Most trans sex workers I know are in their mid-20s or early 30s and there is a fetishisation in sex work of people who are very young or still look very young. I think that some people book me because I look very, very young. Especially in pictures, I can look like I'm under 18.

 

Of course, I also get a lot of trans-hostile comments on the internet or have clients who make trans-hostile comments in conversation. Many cis people are also surprised that trans sex workers are booked. That's something that doesn't really bother me. For some sex workers, being trans is a disadvantage because trans hostility can drag them down. But I'm also noticing that things are slowly changing - the first porn sites are no longer using trans-hostile terms.

 

How do you know that your customer is not a psychopath? Do you have a protection plan?

 

Before I meet someone, I talk to the customer and try to gauge what the person is like. Sometimes it happens that I turn down clients. Before every date, I tell my friends where I am. I'm also in a Telegram group of sex workers where you write your address. There is always at least one other person who gets in touch and asks if everything is OK.

 

I also use a work mobile phone and don't give out my private number. During the dates, I have to pay attention to the body language and mood of the customers and try to de-escalate the situation if in doubt. Despite all these measures, I have already experienced violence at work. In my opinion, this is due to the fact that there are no good working environments and customers usually think that the police are on their side in case of doubt.

 

How do you protect yourself at work against infection with HIV and/or STIs?

I take PreP and use condoms. People often think that sex workers are dirty and spread STIs, but I think we are the ones who protect ourselves the most and are very aware of the risks. For example, I use condoms for fucking and blow jobs. Apart from that, I get tested every three months, but I've never had an STI from a customer.

 

What does the keyword sex-positive mean to you?

I have the impression that trans male bodies or trans people in general are perceived as either asexual or hypersexual. It is particularly important to me that trans people are perceived as people who are sexually active. I would love it if trans people gave more instructions on how to have sex with a trans person - after all, trans bodies are different, that's not a bad thing, it's a positive thing! Bodies often develop differently due to hormones, different things feel differently good or no longer feel good.

 

If you work, is the protection entirely up to you or do you discuss the conditions beforehand?

It's similar to a private date. It's true that many clients urge you to do it without a condom. As I take the PreP, I sometimes consider it if I have a good feeling. Then I ask the customer when the last test was and make a decision - just like on private sex dates. Otherwise, I always bring condoms and personal lubricant. Sometimes clients also bring something themselves - but in Germany it's common for the sex worker to bring everything.