Coming out is also an important experience for trans* people. As diverse as trans* biographies are, so too are the associated coming-out experiences. With the following three short reports, we want to present the different perspectives.

"I could never name this 'different' ..."

Inner trans* coming-out by KAy

If you are gay, the coming out options are more varied: you can come out completely, partially or not at all. As a trans* person, it's a bit more complicated. I've always known that I'm different. But I was never able to name this "different", as I only knew "man" and "woman" back then.

Of course I had heard of trans*, but what I could find was: "I was born in the wrong body". But I had no problem with my genitals. I finally found my identity when I was 30. I had previously lived as a lesbian. I had already come out. Now I "just" had to have another one! After nine months of testosterone, I already looked like a young guy. I no longer had a choice as to whether I wanted to come out as trans* or not. What's more, my sexuality had expanded. Until then, I'd only had sex with women. Now it developed more and more in the direction of gay sex, even though I see myself as pansexual.

Once again, I had the choice to come out or not. So far, my family only knows that I'm trans*. But my circle of friends know. They heard about it as part of the transition package. But if I have a male partner at some point, I will also tell my family. I'm curious to see how they will react...!

"Fancy a snog?"

How cis man Till experiences a trans* coming out

Rounding off an exhausting day with a beer - that was the plan after a symposium in Berlin. I was sitting in a bar with a participant I had met at the event. Suddenly, a very attractive, very angry man burst into our conversation - obviously an acquaintance of the person I was talking to. He was terribly upset about the date he had just come from. "The idiot kicked me out because I'm trans*," he ranted. "But it's clearly stated in my dating profile."

The situation quickly calmed down, we got on well and when my conversation partner went for a smoke, the sexy stranger turned to me and asked: "Fancy a snog?" I'm all about directness and as I thought the guy was hot, we soon ended up at his place. We spent four days shagging, chatting, eating and shagging again. And then we were a couple for three quarters of a year.

The term "cis" is used when a person identifies with the gender assigned at birth.

At first, my boyfriend was really surprised that I didn't need a familiarisation phase at all. In his experience, gay cis men have well-practised sex practices that don't always translate one-to-one with trans* men. But that's exactly what made it so enjoyable: we didn't have scripted sex, we got involved with each other. Everything was new, everything was hot. We haven't been together for a long time, but we still get on brilliantly.

"After coming out, his eyes lit up ... "

trans* coming-out experiences of Alexander

Many trans* people are perplexed when they come out to people close to them. In my case, it was a broad smile, shining eyes and gratitude. And it happened like this: In May 2012, I went to the Rainbowflash in Hamburg city centre with a friend. There are many homosexual and trans* people in our colourful circle of acquaintances who we wanted to support at this event. As we were talking about trans identity again, I thought the moment had come. I told my friend that I felt like a man and wanted to be called Alexander in future, including the male pronoun. He beamed at me and thanked me for being one of the first people I had told about my trans identity.

Perhaps I unconsciously chose someone who would definitely react emphatically and openly. Or maybe my trans* coming out went so smoothly because my father, mother or siblings weren't the first people I told about my trans identity. In any case, my friends quickly got used to the new situation.

Colleagues completely overwhelmed
My coming out at work was less smooth. My colleagues were clever and understanding people, mostly engineers. But none of them had to deal with realities of life that were so different from their own. They were all sympathetic. My boss also assured me of his support. In reality, however, my colleagues were completely overwhelmed. My boss couldn't even manage to address me as a man. In several conversations, I explained to him how important it is for trans* people to be taken seriously in their identity. But there was no way in. I no longer work at the company.

A birthday, so to speak
For some time now, it has been easier for other people to see me as the gender I identify with. Testosterone and my operations play a certain role in this. I had my first injection almost exactly three years ago. Last Saturday was basically my third birthday. In 2015, I had a breast lift and my uterus removed. My voice is deeper than that of many other men and my features are becoming more angular. So anyone who doesn't know me yet will automatically get to know me as Alexander. Even employees in public authorities or clothes salespeople no longer react in a tense manner. The only annoying thing is that many trans* men look ten years younger than they are after coming out. I often don't feel like I'm being treated like a 30-year-old, but like a first-year student.

Great reaction
While I no longer have to explain myself in everyday situations, the opposite applies to flirting. I have to ask myself the question every time: Do I tell him and wait to see how he reacts? And when do I say it? The reaction of a man I met in a bar in Munich was really great. We kept making eye contact and I would have resented not speaking to him. So I went there and we got on really well. I told him that I had attended a trans conference. I didn't talk about my own trans identity at first. Only when we got closer did I let him in on it. He replied that he had already suspected that - and we picked up where we had left off.

Irritations
Sometimes I simply missed the right moment. It always destroys a bit of the atmosphere when you interrupt and say: 'By the way, I'm trans. Once, a guy I found incredibly attractive got down to business so quickly that I didn't have time to come out. He was visibly irritated after grabbing my crotch. We exchanged a few more sentences, then he "went for a smoke". I thought that was a shame, but I had to accept it.