Nico Woche (33) works as a freelance screenwriter. Since the end of 2010, he has been involved in the "Mobile Salon", a service offered by the gay counselling service in Berlin.
The free visiting service aims to prevent gay senior citizens from becoming lonely. An interview about gay commonalities in all generations and the motives for volunteering.
Nico, you're involved in a "visiting service for older gay men" - what do you do there?
The agreement is: I meet up with Rainer* once a week. Sometimes we go out for a meal, but often we just walk around Berlin and chat.
What are you talking about then?
Rainer likes going to the theatre. So it often starts with culture and then we get talking. Sometimes we also discuss very personal things that are on the agenda.
Sounds like small talk. Culture is often just a game. First of all, we talk about a play Rainer has seen. You can't immediately talk about what moves you inside. You wouldn't be able to bear it! Personal things are often just accessories, inspirations that you don't even realise. Just being with an older person gives me a different perspective on my life. It's hard to put into words. But then I think to myself: you're going to be that old one day, and soon. That helps me to think about how I want to live later on.
You've been seeing each other for almost three years now. How would you describe your relationship? Are you acquaintances? Salon colleagues?
We have long since become friends. We meet up about once a week. Sometimes more often, sometimes less often, but always voluntarily. (laughs)
There are almost four decades between you and Rainer. Where do you notice differences?
The differences are not that big. We always realise that many things in our lives are actually very similar. Rainer may wear different trousers to me, but he can give me more tips on shopping than I can give him. (laughs) And whether you meet on the Internet like today or in a bar like in the past - in the end, you're still doing the same thing.
But it's easier to live as a gay man today, isn't it? When Rainer was your age, homosexuality had only just been legalised.
That's true. But not much has changed in everyday life. Today, it's easier to come out and still be successful. But that no longer applies to school. And the new freedom also creates pressure: why don't you come out? Why are you still sitting around on your own? It's so easy to find someone! I can imagine that coming out used to create a completely different sense of belonging. Today, nobody cares anymore. You have to deal with it on your own.
Why are you visiting an older gay gentleman? You could also be a reading mentor for a primary school pupil, for example?
I saw an advert for the Mobile Salon in the Siegessäule. Sometimes you get that feeling: you have to get in touch now! I didn't think much about it, I just did it. It happened quite quickly for us. Rainer was my first salon partner and has remained so to this day. I think it's better to leave it at that. If I wanted to analyse my motives now, I would just invent reasons. That's often how things work: You just do them. You shouldn't pretend afterwards that there were precise reasons for it.
You obviously have no reservations about older people.
I've already done social work alongside my studies, but back then it was for money. I worked as a night watchman in a dementia care home in Berlin and as an outpatient geriatric carer in Norway. There, too, it wasn't so much caring as it was a visiting service: I regularly popped in, made coffee and checked medication. I also did my community service in Norway, in a living and working community for mentally disabled people.
Where does your interest in social issues come from?
During my civilian service, it just happened. Later on, it was also a practical thing: you have work experience and get the right jobs. I didn't mind that. It was even a nice balance to my screenplay work, where I spend many hours alone behind the computer. On the other hand, volunteering isn't just a big sacrifice, you're also doing something good for yourself. Doing things because you think they are meaningful and not because you are being paid for them is not only meaningful, but also gives you a strange sense of freedom.
The Mobile Salon is also about promoting the gay community. Are you and Rainer pioneers of the ageing gay community?
It's not just the two of us. Many others are also involved. That's the good thing about Gay Counselling Berlin: it offers a meeting place for the many people who live side by side in their flats here in Berlin. The Mobile Salon is just the beginning, a kind of introductory portal. From then on, you should organise it yourself. I'm not employed by the gay counselling service. If I don't enjoy it any more, I can leave at any time. I think that's good.
*Name changed
Visiting services for gay senior citizens in Germany:
Berlin: Mobile Salon
Gay counselling Berlin, contact: Oliver Sechting (o.sechting@schwulenberatungberlin.de) and Marco Pulver (m.pulver@schwulenberatungberlin.de), phone: (030) 23 36 90 70
http://www.schwulenberatungberlin.de/
Frankfurt am Main: Rosa Paten
Aidshilfe Frankfurt, contact person: Norbert Dräger (norbert.draeger@frankfurt.aidshilfe.de), Phone: (069) 13 38 79 30
http://www.frankfurt-aidshilfe.de/content/rosa-paten
Munich: The sponsorship project
SUB Munich, contact: Ulrich Fuchshuber, phone: (089) 856 34 64 24
