San Francisco is the first city in the USA and probably in the world to distribute femidoms to gay men. The aim is to promote another way of minimising the risk of HIV and STI transmission. Bernd Aretz wanted to know what the "female condom" feels like during male-male sex and decided to conduct a self-experiment in the service of research
"Femi what???" My physiotherapist dominatrix immediately googled female condom and remarked, "that's not very erotic. Why don't the boys just use condoms?" The new trend of the "Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence" in San Francisco to sell femidoms to gay men is surprising at first. But I was able to answer her question as to why the boys are reluctant to use condoms - even though they do so very often. "The real adventures are in the head, and if they're not in the head, they're nowhere," André Heller shows us the way.
The Parisian is in the mind and, quite subliminally, hinders the feeling of merging, giving oneself completely to the other person or taking them in. It makes it difficult to uncontrollably follow the impulse of the moment. Some have difficulties putting them on or erection problems, and very rarely does the latex allergy so often cited as an excuse actually occur. Condoms are simply not, as Detlev Meyer wrote so beautifully in the early leporello "Pariser leben", the cute, slippery things from the early adverts of the Aidshilfe, but a very effective protection against all kinds of diseases that you don't want to imagine - especially not in the subject of desire.
Perhaps it was possible to eroticise them as a teenager with hormones going crazy. Including condoms, which at least in the sixties still seemed very wicked, in self-experimentation could enrich masturbation. Today, I see condoms more as a way of reducing anxiety. In the "Scheune", a Berlin gay pub, for example, it can happen that a man explains: "You have to say it here: I'm negative and I want to stay that way". It's then very convenient to be able to reply. "That's not a problem. There are rubbers and gloves. I've been positive and below the detection limit for a long time. It wouldn't even be tragic if something went wrong with a Parisian."
Perhaps we can now expand the range and refer to an insider tip: the Femidom. Initial internet research does not seem to bode well. Heterosexual men certainly don't seem to appreciate it very much. But perhaps it was the machos at work in the comments who think that women should take the pill, they are under no obligation to do anything. The matter calls for a self-experiment.
The saleswoman in the sex shop I trust mentions that they don't sell very well. And she only has one brand made of latex. Well, at around three euros each, they also have a hefty price tag. My partner is sceptical. Parisians aren't his thing either, unless they absolutely have to be. But what you don't do in the service of research. A large, fairly firm ring as the end of an oversized Parisian is waiting to be used. It looks a little short, but that's deceptive - an outstretched paw fits in perfectly.
Without going into too much detail about the femidom application, I have to say that I really enjoyed it. And I couldn't really tell the difference between it and the condom or "without" during the other acts. Not quite, because it changed something in my head, trying to perceive the difference popped up every now and then. That had its own quality.
Equipping both partners with one of these also opens up the possibility of giving in to the impulse of the moment and simply letting yourself drift. My partner was also surprised to realise that femidoms were completely unproblematic and definitely more comfortable for him than condoms. However, he was always tempted to look for a way other than the femidom.
Of course, this will not lead us to abandon our tried-and-tested viral load method in future. But our scepticism has given way to the realisation that femidoms really do extend the protection options in a pleasant way. They are available as latex-based VA condoms and as latex-free femidoms. I can only recommend giving it a try at home - even if it doesn't bring anything other than having fun with each other in a conscious and agreed way.
