The coronavirus crisis has dominated our everyday lives for more than a year. Hygiene measures, contact restrictions and the closure of safe spaces can be particularly stressful for gay men. Stefan Meier, who works as a counsellor at gay checkpoints Man-O-Meter works in Berlin-Schöneberg. We had a chat with him.
IWWIT: Stefan, you conduct an average of 150 counselling sessions a year. What concerns do the men who come to you have?
Stefan Meier: We are one of the few facilities that are explicitly aimed at gay men. The reasons for visiting us are as varied as gay life itself. Some men come to us with questions about coming out, dealing with anxiety and depression, or anything else that has to do with gay life. sexual health turns. We see ourselves as a kind of first aid centre for those seeking advice. They often come to us two or three times. If their issue cannot be resolved during this time, we refer them to counselling centres or therapists. However, mothers also come to us from time to time whose children are in the Coming out are located.
Sexual health means more than the absence of illness.
What do you mean by sexual health?
This is getting almost philosophical now. For me, sexual health definitely means more than the absence of illness in the sense of viral or bacterial infections. Being sexually healthy also means that I enjoy my sexuality, know myself and my body and know what gives me pleasure and what does not. It also means that you can take the opportunity to live out your fetishes in a self-determined way.
What do you mean by "self-determined living"?
By that I mean exactly that: making it clear what I like and what I don't like, but also knowing what makes my sex partner horny and what I can or want to give them. If someone engages in a sexual practice like fisting, they should know whether they really want it and find it hot. It often happens that we do things because we are afraid of rejection and don't know how the other person would react to a rejection. If someone doesn't like anal sex, that's perfectly OK. The same applies to the use of substances during sex.
It often happens that we do things because we are afraid of rejection and don't know how the other person would react to a rejection.
Have you noticed a change within the community since the first coronavirus lockdown?
There is a great deal of insecurity, which manifests itself in very different ways. People who are depressed and are always told that they should be in contact with other people, and have also learnt that this helps them, perceive the restrictions as very oppressive. They miss the closeness and interaction with others. Anxious people are unsettled by the flood of news about corona. Many gay men are currently being thrown back on themselves as they lack a connection to a family environment - the closure of bars, clubs, saunas and other queer facilities means that places that are important for their mental health are no longer available.
The closure of bars, clubs, saunas and other queer facilities means the loss of places that are important for the mental health of gay men.
Why are these places so important, especially for gay men?
A young gay man, who still lives at home with a family that does not accept his gayness, now has to spend more time with his homophobic family. Conflicts are inevitable because he lacks support and a safe space where he can be who he is. The so-called "scene" is often criticised for being commercialised. At the moment, however, we are realising how important its social function is.
What advice do you give your clients who feel lonely due to the crisis to get through this difficult time well?
First of all, it is important to recognise that these are difficult times. It also helps to internalise that many people are in a bad way at the moment and that many feel lonely. I also advise my clients to realise that there is little they can do to change the situation. They can't do much more than keep their distance, wear a mask and wash their hands. It is currently more helpful to focus your attention on things that you can control and change.
Are there any tips other than thinking positively?
If my friends are important to me and I can't see them, I just invite them round for a cocktail via Zoom. If I enjoy wellness, then it might be nice to take a bath more often and I can perhaps pimp my bathroom a little and create my own wellness oasis. It often helps to consciously create routines that help to structure everyday life.
It often helps to consciously create routines that help to structure everyday life.
Are couples doing better than singles at the moment?
Yes and no. Couples are currently facing the challenge that they may be spending more time together than before. If they are both working from home and the flat becomes an office, this can also be difficult and lead to conflict.
How can couples cope with this situation?
One option is to see how I can support my partner - professionally or in other stressful situations. Another option is to rediscover each other as a couple and see what you can do together. However, it is also important to give each other space and allow each other to retreat. It can also be helpful to try to be a little more generous with your partner and not put every word on the gold scale. Sometimes you should also try to keep reminding yourself that behind accusations often lies the communication of needs.
What is your tip for people who are spending the next lockdown as singles?
Singles should think about what is good for them and do it more often. It is still possible to meet up with a friend, go for a walk or arrange to cook a meal at home. Or, if a man wants to, he can find a Fuckbuddywith whom you can have sex and thus satisfy your need for sex and closeness. The corona test programme is now also being expanded in German cities and can be used for this purpose.
IWWIT is here for you! The queer scene has also been affected by the coronavirus pandemic, whether through possible loneliness in isolation or financial difficulties.
But we won't leave you hanging! That's why we have launched our #WirFürQueer campaign: You are not alone! We help each other! Together we can make it through these tough times! You can find more information at iwwit.de/we-for-queer.
On gayhealthchat.com we also offer advice every day between 5 and 8 p.m. - quickly, confidentially and free of charge.
