Pornography is an age-old cultural technique. But it has never been as easy to access as it is today. Thanks to Wi-Fi and smartphones, gay men no longer have to go to dingy railway station cinemas to watch sex films. That's cool. Now the question arises: How much porn is good for us? Is that already porn addiction?
Checklist: How much porn is too much?
"That's the wrong question," said Peer Briken, Director of the Institute for Sexual Research and Forensic Psychiatry at Hamburg University Hospital. The decisive factor is not how often a man masturbates, but how much it bothers him. "If the patient doesn't suffer from his desire, a doctor shouldn't make a diagnosis," emphasises Briken in the Süddeutsche Zeitung. Porn or sex habits only become a problem when they severely affect your everyday life and your social environment: your partner, friends, work colleagues. But where exactly is the line drawn? It's not that easy to say. The following questions can help you Porn consumption put them to the test:
- I rarely get it up without porn.
- I also watch porn on my office computer from time to time.
- I'm often late for work because I've been up all night on the computer.
- When I'm stressed or bored, I distract myself with porn.
- I no longer care about my hobby. Everything revolves around sexuality.
- My smartphone is always next to my bed. I don't want to miss out if a nice guy writes to me on Gayromeo.
- Before I start fucking, I first have to give myself a good shag - and then have sex that I find awful afterwards.
Too much porn: how to control your consumption
Make it honest. The difficult thing about addiction is that it hurts the ego. Because it means: I have lost control. And men in particular are reluctant to admit this. Denying the problems is part of the illness.
Keep a logbook. Check when you watch porn and for how long. It's best to note this down in a logbook over a longer period of time. This awareness often leads to initial improvements. Because then you automatically ask yourself: Do I really need to watch porn now, or can I go longer without it?
Set goals. Develop a personal exit plan to enjoy porn and sex so that it no longer takes up all your time and energy. The important thing is:
- When do I start giving up?
- How quickly can I reduce my consumption?
- What is allowed? What is not? Clear boundaries are very important.
- Do I want to be completely abstinent, or are there exceptions ("Saturday porn is okay")? Exceptions are tricky when it comes to addictive behaviour. Because they require extreme discipline.
Expect relapses. Every addiction therapy involves relapses. You have to learn to deal with these disappointments and then start again.
Hypersexuality - a real illness?
However, addiction to porn is often not the only addictive behaviour. Different types of addictive behaviour are usually mixed together: Frequent porn watching. Compulsive masturbation. Many sex dates that leave a stale feeling after sex, often in combination with other addictive substances such as alcohol, poppers or methamphetamines. The big thing they have in common is that the men affected find their sex life a burden. The medical diagnosis is hypersexuality. Studies estimate that up to six per cent of the population suffer from it at times. Three quarters of those affected are men. But the phenomenon is controversial. The World Health Organisation has not yet included hypersexuality in its catalogue of impulse control disorders (ICD). This is why health insurance companies do not always cover the costs of treatment.
Self-help: the anonymous sex addicts
Self-help groups are a good support for all addiction problems. Attendees share their experiences and support each other in becoming "sexually sober". The good thing is that the meetings, which are organised on a voluntary basis, cost nothing and are available in all major cities. Rather difficult: the groups are autonomous. You don't know in advance what methods they use and whether they welcome gay people. Just go along and try it out to see if it works.
Most of the programmes are based on the twelve principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. The most important one is: Nothing gets out! Participants can talk openly about their addiction. Another principle is the trust in "a higher power". You should be able to relate to this transcendental, often religiously understood approach. You can find more self-help information here:
- Anonymous sex and love addicts: https://slaa.de/
- Sexaholics Anonymous Germany: https://anonyme-sexsuechtige.de
- Anonymous Sexually Compulsive Person, Berlin: http://sca-berlin.org
Beware of charlatans
Pornography is a morally explosive topic. Some offers of help with pornography addiction lead straight to organisations such as the DIJG. This organisation considers homosexuality per se to be a mental illness and promises to cure not only your porn addiction, but also your homosexuality. This is pseudo-scientific humbug that can even exacerbate psychological problems.
Therapy options for porn addiction
Porn and sex are so hot that - like drugs - they give you a kick. In rare cases, they lead to addiction. If this is the case, they should be treated in the same way as other addictions. Medication is rarely used. Psychotherapies are particularly promising. There are several treatment phases.
Regain control. It usually starts with practical behavioural therapy. The patient and therapist discuss how the patient can better control their sex or porn consumption. The measures are often simple, for example by the user installing filter software that stops their favourite sites on the internet.
Find alternatives. The patient also learns to react differently to negative feelings such as fear or loneliness. Sport is a proven "substitute". Breathing and mindfulness exercises are also relieving.
Find out the causes. Psychotherapy often takes years, but the chances of success are good. Patients find out how problematic behaviour patterns can be explained by their own life history - and how they can live well with them.
Psychotherapeutic support for porn addiction or sex addiction:
- Nationwide: You can find a therapist specialising in sexuality in your area via the website of the German Society for Sexual Medicine, Sexual Therapy and Sexology (DGSMTW): www.dgsmtw.de
- Hanover: Sexual Medicine Competence Centre: www.smk-hannover.de
- Hamburg: Institute for Sexual Research and Forensic Psychiatry: www.uke.de
- Berlin: Institute for Sexology and Sexual Medicine at the Charité: sexualmedicine.charite.de
