Pleasing others is okay, but it must not become the compass for our own actions. We already have enough flags in the wind, says Björn, who has given his thoughts on the topic of "open relationships".
Most men like to have sex, and in my experience, gay men are no different. A survey from the UK came to the conclusion that 41 per cent of around 1,000 gay men surveyed are in, or have been in, an open relationship. 75 per cent of them think this form of relationship is "great". Even if the results are not completely transferable to Germany, there are certainly a lot of people here who see things similarly. For example, I also live in an open relationship, and I know very few truly monogamous gay men. On the Facebook page of I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING recently appeared under a post on the subject of "open relationships" a lively discussion in which I then took part.
I was quite surprised at how much opinions differed and shocked at how harshly those who live in open relationships were criticised and attacked. "Why do gay people only ever think about sex?" "You don't have to change partners like underwear!", or "Then you don't need a relationship; that completely confirms the stereotype about gay people" I could read.
It annoys me that some gay people argue just as homophobically as some straight people.
What struck me was that there is a fear of fulfilling the clichés. It seems that there are quite a few gay men who would rather conform than explore their own needs and live authentically. Studies show around 57 per cent of men and 47 per cent of women cheat. So you can work out the probability of "real fidelity" among gay men (including in so-called monogamous relationships, where they cheat behind the other person's back). What I would really like to see, however, is the number of commentators who criticise me and others but don't act any differently to me ... Nobody has the right to judge other people's relationships!
I met my husband almost five years ago and it all happened very quickly: we were engaged after a year and married a year later. From day one, we had an open relationship - which was always very close. We are open and honest with each other about everything. That's exactly what I think is crucial: not having to hide anything from your partner. We both really value this honesty, even if it's not easy sometimes.
The word "open" also refers to our communication.
From my point of view, the sexual needs of both partners don't necessarily coincide, nor do they have to. It doesn't bother me if my husband does things with others that I don't like - on the contrary. In open relationships, this is always discussed and that's an important step. If you don't dare to talk about something, that's a problem. "Open" also refers to our communication.
However, I was really surprised by the sharpness of the criticism. I had the feeling that I was being blamed for the "bad image" of gays in society. Apparently I hit a sore spot. My husband and I don't hide ourselves and our needs, we live them out and are happy with it!
In my opinion, not doing something because others judge it is the wrong way to go. Pleasing others is okay, but it must not become the compass for our own actions. We already have enough flags in the wind. It is important for me to emphasise once again that I am not judging others. Anyone who has decided to live monogamously should do so. Everyone should follow the path that suits their own needs. Compromising just to avoid being single or to fulfil other people's moral standards: No thanks!
