For many years, the leather guy characterised the image of the gay man. The works of artist Tom of Finland still bear witness to this today. But the leather scene has become outdated and the community is turning up its nose at it. Manuel Izdebski, Managing Director of Aidshilfe im Kreis Unna, spoke to Dirk Killing, who has been involved in the "MSC Rote Erde Dortmund e.V." for years and cultivates his fetish in the club. This is not always possible without reservations.
Dirk, you are known as a leather and fetish man far beyond our region. A few years ago, you were "Mr Fetish NRW". That doesn't meet with undivided approval in the community, does it?
No, many members of the community are simply convinced that we will only get equal rights by adapting. As a fetish guy, you're out of line.
What do you mean?
A CSD organiser once told me that I should keep a low profile, as that would help the fight for equality more. He got to the heart of the matter. Many in the community take offence at our visibility because they fear the reactions of straight people and don't want to be lumped together with us. Yet everyone always talks about diversity.
There is always sex in public at gay events. This is often criticised.
Is leading a slave on a lead already a sexual act? How are we supposed to demonstrate for our world if we are not allowed to show it? No, our mere participation in fetish clothing is enough to make some people gasp. In one city, this once caused a scandal before a CSD. Another group had problems with our presence. We were publicly labelled as freeloaders on the web, saying that the CSD was a family celebration. At the same time, we were urgently warned by the organiser that we should please pull ourselves together as we were about to get married. It was important to make a good impression.
That's a bit crazy, because it was mainly leather guys and trannies who took to the streets on Christopher Street.
Yes, but such reactions are unfortunately not an isolated case. At another CSD, we were interviewed on stage and asked to talk about our organisation. In the preliminary talk, the presenter seriously explained to us that we wouldn't be given a sling on stage. I have no idea what he had in mind. And when it came to the conception of a youth centre, where many different groups were involved, our involvement was not asked for, even though we have a social pedagogue in our ranks who could have made a professional contribution. When it comes to youth work, however, we should not be involved in any way, not even professionally.
How do you deal with such experiences of marginalisation within your scene?
To be honest, we're not really bothered about it now. None of us want a "straight wedding" or to adopt children. But we have always declared our solidarity with the demands of the community. And at CSD, we only march in the parade in Cologne. In Dortmund, we organised our "Lederpott" parallel to the CSD, but we didn't have much to do with the street festival. We also left the umbrella organisation SLADO at the beginning of the year.
And why?
Because we simply no longer felt represented. For the "decent gays", we belong in the darkroom. But that doesn't really exist in Dortmund anymore since the sex tax. Within a few years, it has ruined one shop after another, although it was only intended to curb prostitution. In fact, all businesses that offered the opportunity to have sex were hit with it, including gay bars and saunas. I assume that was the intention in terms of public policy to make the city smut-free. Now it's dull here. No gay man would travel from the Sauerland to Dortmund for three gay bars. Even the CSD is a dead zone. We used to be the main centre for the whole region.
For Dirk, the fetish is part of his identity. (Photo: private)What about marginalisation within the fetish scene?
We don't really ostracise people. On the contrary, we are very welcoming, regardless of whether you are old or young, fat or thin. We don't stress about such things, the fetish takes centre stage for us. However, the organised leather scene is getting on in years.
Don't younger people have a fetish?
Yes, but they're more into sportswear or something like that. And you can live out your fetish more discreetly on the internet, where you can look for a suitable sex partner for your dirty deeds and nobody will find out. You no longer have to do it in an organised way in a club. Sexual activity takes place within your own four walls. That suits many people who want to declare sexuality a private matter.
Then it doesn't matter whether you're straight or gay. The fetish clubs were founded in completely different times. Back then, it was all about the visibility of gay sexuality. They wanted to provoke homophobia in society. We still see this as our contribution to the movement today, but it is no longer in demand. The goals have become more conservative.
You yourself are very open about it. Why is that so important to you?
Yes, I do it quite openly. By being open, I make myself unassailable. I want everyone to know! For me, this is my identity and I need the clothes to feel myself. I feel uncomfortable and disguised in normal clothes. For me, it's a form of self-affirmation. I lived a heterosexual life for many years and I'm the father of a son. Very bourgeois! Coming out as a gay man and as a BDSM'er was an incredible liberation for me.
After all, you've been in a steady relationship for 13 years now.
That's right, we are two SM men in a registered civil partnership, but we have an open relationship. That is also more likely to be condemned today. Marital monogamy is the order of the day, preferably in your own home and with an adopted child. Anyone who wants that should be able to do so. But I'm not in the mood for such a "Knorr family".
Knorr-Family....?
Yes, the ideal family world in adverts, where mum is at home with dinner waiting for her loved ones. Is there a gay counterpart to this? Surely there will be!
Dirk, thank you very much for the interview and for your openness.
