Having sex in the scene is easy, right? The IWWIT role models Oliver and Peter and Klaus from Frankfurt Leather Club explain how to do it right
Gay men have almost endless opportunities to live out their lust in the scene and are envied by many heterosexuals. Especially at sex parties, in saunas or in pubs with darkrooms, you can pursue your own passions in a relatively safe, relaxed atmosphere. Condoms and lube are usually available, as well as information material and usually a dedicated bartender like IWWIT role model Peter.
He works in two Munich pubs with a darkroom: "It's uncomplicated here, you don't have to communicate for long, you can get started straight away. Above all, it's safer than in the park: you don't have to worry about being mugged or being stopped by the police." There's also the purely physical shelter: "You're warm, in good hands and independent of the weather."
What all sex venues have in common is that contact is made by eye contact: a meaningful, inviting look, a smile - and it's clicked. Peter confirms: "For the most part, it works with eye contact, some people talk to each other at the bar. Then you disappear into the darkroom and wait for the other person to follow. Or the other way round: you wait until the other person goes into the darkroom and follow them. It's relatively uncomplicated and rarely the case that you have to pull off an elaborate flirting ritual."
Safety is still an important aspect: "We take great care of our guests," says Peter, "if we realise that someone is not feeling well after too much alcohol, for example, we try to help them up as much as we can. If necessary, we call an ambulance. We make sure that our guests come out of our pubs without any damage."
Anyone who is curious can try it out without any obligation. Peter advises newcomers and the curious: "Just go in first. Every gay pub has a bar, usually in the front, lighter area, where you can observe everything. Then take heart and go to the darker corners. You're not under observation, we don't really pay attention to who's doing what with whom, it's up to you. And if you have a question, you can always ask the bartender, we're all very informative and communicative - otherwise we wouldn't be behind the bar!"
To each their own sex: discover the (fetish) possibilities
Many boys and men want more than just the old in-and-out game. The scene can help quickly and easily with variations beyond flower sex, which are summarised under the colloquial term "fetish". There are unimagined new possibilities: Rubber, leather, sneakers, skin, fisting, S/M.
Here you can discover for yourself what you really enjoy: this could be special clothing styles and materials such as leather, uniform, rubber or even suits and woollen jumpers, toys such as dildos, pumps or tit clamps or sexual practices such as pissing, S/M or fisting. The list goes on and on, and no matter how unusual your favourite option may seem, one thing is certain: you're not alone.
Discovering that you're into less everyday or unusual things is another coming out for some, while others discover it more en passant like Olivier, role model at iwwit and Mr Rubclub 2010: "It was very clear to me at the beginning that I was into rubber. That was always my image of what I needed and was looking for."
It has long been easier to discover and fulfil these new desires than it was a few years ago. Klaus, chairman of the Frankfurt Leather Club, says: "If you feel like it, you can now go to the opera in leather. The leather meeting at Easter in Berlin takes place more or less on the street and Folsom anyway."
Despite this new openness, it still takes a little courage. Olivier simply took heart and ventured into the new, unknown world: "I'm very shy, but it wasn't difficult. I was curious about everything and wanted to know how it works, how it works. So I just tried it out. And I liked it."
Fetish sex can be a wonderful enrichment. But sometimes you first have to try out a new type of play, such as pissing, to realise that you might not be into it after all. You might be a bit wet afterwards - but you'll also be smarter. Klaus recommends: "Just go for it! Safer, of course, and maybe not with the first person you meet, but with someone you trust. But you have no other choice: you have to have the courage at some point and give it a go." The good thing is that as martial as some fetish people may look, at the end of the day there is a nice guy in almost every fetish outfit who will be happy to help you. Klaus says: "Talk to us at the CSD or at one of the leather meetings, e.g. in Hamburg or Berlin, we don't bite! Most of them are happy to have a chat and provide information - just ask!"
Clemens Glade
