In conservative environments, things are often pretty prudish. It's no wonder that many young gay men don't want to talk about sex - and therefore don't go for an HIV test. Vlad has overcome his shame. We spoke to the Berliner, who comes from Moldova, and wrote down his story.
When I was 12 or 13 years old, I stole BRAVO from my sister for the first time. This magazine was also published in Romanian at the time, so I could read it in Moldova. Trembling with excitement, I read everything about sex. Afterwards, I put the magazine back down exactly as I had found it.
Sex as a taboo
Why the secrecy? Because sex was taboo in my family. I never heard my parents talk about this topic and I wouldn't have dared to ask them anything. Moldova is an arch-conservative country where men and women adhere to traditional roles. This includes waiting to have sex until you are in a committed relationship - with a partner of the opposite sex, of course.
Abstinence as HIV protection
I well remember a school lesson in which a teacher explained HIV to us. He recommended abstinence as protection and warned us that the disease was worse than cancer. The consequences of this absurd sexual morality have probably not been analysed for our small Moldova. But we know the studies from the USA: where sex is a taboo for adolescents and teachers preach chastity, young people get sexually transmitted diseases more often. Quite simply because they follow their sex drive but are ashamed of it and don't dare to ask a doctor about protection options and treatments.
When your partner cheats without rubber
Shame was with me for a long time. I was able to talk about sex with my sister from time to time, but never with my brothers. Especially not about homosexuality. I had to wait until I had gay friends. I was 17 at the time and had a secret relationship with a man who was twice my age. We had sex without a condom. After all, I was used to thinking of relationships as closed events. It would never have occurred to me that my boyfriend would cheat, especially not without a condom. But he did. Both.
Panic about the test, fear of the doctors
When I found that out, it was the end of the world for me. Not only because the end of first love is always a trauma for a person. I was also scared. For three months, I thought of nothing but HIV. I still didn't go to the test. I panicked and was afraid of the doctors who would surely judge me.
With your best friend at the test centre
I finally confided in my best friend. He responded very sensitively and offered to accompany me to the test and to be tested himself. I will be eternally grateful to him for that. After the first test, which was negative, I went for a test every six months. Unfortunately, I did contract HIV a few years ago. But I am in therapy and I am fine. I will probably never be completely free of shame and guilt. But I have them under control, partly because I have a great man by my side.
Three questions for Vlad
What advice would you give to boys who don't go for an HIV test out of shame?
Confide in your best friend and ask them to accompany you. You must be in the Test site You don't have to reveal your name or show your health insurance card. If the result is negative, you will be incredibly relieved. And if the result is a shock, someone will hold your hand.
Are you now able to talk openly to doctors about infections?
It depends on the doctor. After a mistake, I found a proctologist that I trust. He knows that I'm passive during anal sex and doesn't treat me in a patronising way if I ever have genital warts. Before I found my boyfriend, I had myself tested for infections every three months. In the urethra as well as in the arse.
Should you change doctors if you are ashamed of them?
If you have the feeling that the doctor despises you for your sexual practices, then he is not the right person for you. You should be able to talk openly about homosexuality and the risks of sex in private. This is the only way the doctor will know what to do if necessary. You need to be clear about one thing: If you like to be fucked but the doctor assumes that you like girls, he may examine the wrong entrance for infections.
