Flo, aged 40, is HIV-positive and has been taking medication for more than 15 years. The treatment also protects his sexual partners: HIV cannot be transmitted during sex.
PrEP had barely become available in Germany when Alex prescribe this method of protection against HIV. Even after a year and a half, the 32-year-old still swears by this solution to protect himself from infection.
Florian likes the protection that the condom offers him - against HIV and other STIs. The 45-year-old even sees the condom as an enrichment during sex.
What does your safer sex method mean to you?
Alex (PrEP)Many men use PrEP because they want to do without condoms. For me, that is not the main reason. Rather, PrEP gives me security in situations that would be risky without it. Before I was prescribed the tablets, I was on the verge of fucking unprotected more than once. One beer too many and I really had to pull myself together. Now the protection is in my hands: with PrEP, HIV infection is ruled out even if my sex partner doesn't wear a condom. Thanks to PrEP, I can enjoy sex in a much more relaxed way.
Flo (protection through therapy)Ten years ago, I mostly went to parties for HIV-positive people when I wanted to have sex. Only in a safe space did it seem possible for me to skip the condom without coming under pressure to justify myself. The gay scene as a whole was pretty divided: we positives here, the negatives there. That has now changed. More and more gay men are informed about the newer safer sex methods. They know: Positives can't infect other people if they take their tablets regularly. I can go to the Lab or Kitty in Berlin and have fun with men who now live out their sexuality naturally and without fear. It feels like a liberation for me.
Florian (condom)I continue to use a condom, even though others may see it as a kind of "icon of discomfort". This safer sex method is as safe as it is simple for me: I use it exactly when I'm having sex. On the other hand, I would have to take tablets every day, even if I don't have sex for weeks. I don't need a prescription for condoms and I don't have to get regular confirmation that my kidneys can still tolerate PrEP.
I'm not one of those men who are bothered by condoms during sex. On the contrary. I find it a stimulating part of foreplay to put on the condom. Then it's clear to both of you that the fun is about to begin.
How do you deal with users of other methods?
Florian (condom)Everyone has the right to choose the method that suits them. I also understand that many PrEP users and HIV-positive people on treatment want to have sex without a condom. For example, a number of HIV-positive people have told me that they feel liberated from old shackles now that the protective effect of the therapy has been proven. Flo feels the same way. I, on the other hand, see it as freedom to be able to do without tablets. That's why the condom is still my first choice. If someone tells me "I take tablets. We can also fuck without a condom", then I kindly decline. A person's personal need for protection generally takes precedence over the other person's desire to experience sexual pleasure.
Alex (PrEP): I don't mind the condom. I usually leave it up to the other person whether they put one on or not.
Flo (protection through therapy): I only use condoms if the other person insists and looks too hot to send him away. Otherwise you wish each other a pleasant evening and flirt with another guy.
What questions arise in connection with your protection method?
Alex (PrEP): As I travel a lot, I notice regional differences in the use of PrEP. It is well established in Berlin, Hamburg and Cologne. Many gay men are just as open about it as I am. In smaller cities, on the other hand, few people dare to talk about PrEP or mention it in an app. The protection method also requires more explanation there. When we were recently in Kassel with "I KNOW WHAT I DO", younger gay men were virtually bombarding me with their questions. Unfortunately, there are still not enough specialised doctors everywhere.
Flo (protection through therapy)It has long been proven that HIV therapy prevents the transmission of HIV. In my view, however, the new serenity towards us positives is mainly due to PrEP. Only this new method has brought the alternatives to condoms to the centre of attention. The many negative people who see condoms as torture are now finding out more. They are happy to take on board the message that condoms are no longer the only method of choice and are spreading the word. The media are also more interested in PrEP than in protection through treatment. I think that's fine. The target group is simply larger: HIV-negative people who take a tablet every day and thus block the virus' access.
Florian (condom): A few times I have encountered a lack of understanding. In other situations, I've received explicit encouragement for using condoms. It all balances out.
Does your protection method occasionally trigger conflicts?
Alex (PrEP)Facebook and the like are sometimes the scene of fierce arguments between some condom supporters and PrEP activists. I find aggressive proselytising immature and intolerant. At the end of the day, it's up to every adult to decide for themselves how they want to live out their sexuality.
Florian (condom): I rarely experience more than disappointed looks in the real world when I put on a condom. But I can confirm what Alex says about the Facebook discussions. It's disgraceful what goes on there sometimes.
Flo (protection through therapy): Conflicts only arise in smaller towns because of my attitude. There I sometimes feel looked at the wrong way when I want sex without a condom. But nobody has ever insulted me in real life.
What does online dating actually look like?
Flo (protection through therapy): In the relevant apps, I state that my sex partners are protected by my therapy. Strangers take this as an opportunity to doubt my honesty. No one could be sure that I was really taking tablets. One person even once wrote that I should stop spreading my 'AIDS'. I don't get involved in discussions at such a low level. I like to educate people about HIV risks when I'm out and about for the AIDS service organisation. But I don't use dating platforms to fill other people's knowledge gaps. I simply reply that everyone is free to refrain from having sex with me. But let's be honest: it's in my own best interest that my therapy is successful. The idea of stopping the tablets wouldn't even cross my mind.
Alex (PrEP)I thought it was right and important that the AIDS service organisations and other organisations persistently put pressure on the gay dating apps. Until recently, condoms were the only safe sex method used by these companies. Now the three methods are on an equal footing. This sends a clear message, especially to younger gay men, that they should inform themselves and then decide. I myself truthfully state in dating apps that I take PrEP. So potential sexual partners know where they stand from the outset. No one has ever mocked me for it. On the contrary. Some tops get in touch straight away to ask if we can fuck without a condom. I think that's ok. I'd rather be direct than beat around the bush.
Florian (condom): In dating apps, conversations generally end quickly if the other person doesn't like certain details. Many people probably have a kind of mental cinema going on in the chat, and anyone who doesn't stick to the other person's script is out. This can affect all sorts of things, including my safer sex method. "No rubber" is a request that I often come across on the internet.
How do you feel about other sexually transmitted diseases such as syphilis, chlamydia or gonorrhoea?
Alex (PrEP): It cannot be denied that the risk to the individual increases. I myself, for example, have had to take antibiotics twice while on PrEP. However, it is just as true that PrEP users are obliged to undergo regular examinations. Four annual routine tests for sexually transmitted diseases - nothing goes undetected.
Flo (protection through therapy)Men who fuck without a condom are statistically more likely to catch syphilis or chlamydia than condom users. However, I believe that everyone should deal with risks according to their own personality. For example, as part of my HIV treatment, I get tested every three months for everything that can be contracted during sex. Because timely treatment protects me from the consequences of the infection and my sex partners from infection.
Florian (condom)Of course there is medication against syphilis or chlamydia. But why should I put my body through chemicals when I can reduce the risk by using a condom? As far as the tests are concerned, it's a cliché that condom users are test-hungry. I myself complete the full programme of four routine tests a year, just like Alex and Flo. But I also realise that many people get tested much less often. That's why I think it's right that the AIDS service organisation focuses its prevention work on testing. And that they organise regular tests regardless of the Safer sex methods recommends.
