Safer Sex 3.0: Condoms are probably the best-known safer sex method to protect yourself from HIV. Many gay men still successfully use the rubber today. One of them is Enrico, 36, from Leipzig. Here he tells us how he deals with the topic of safer sex and why he still prefers to use the rubber. Condom back.
As part of "Safer Sex 3.0", various gay men on the IWWIT blog talk about how they protect themselves against HIV, whether with condoms, PrEP or protection through therapy. We encourage everyone who wants to protect themselves against HIV to choose the best safer sex method for them.
"I had my first gay sex when I was 17, when I met my boyfriend through a box number ad and we didn't think about safe sex at all. I only learnt about HIV and the risk of infection when I moved from the provinces to Erfurt a few months later. I then took an HIV test with my boyfriend at the time. We were both negative and decided not to use condoms in the relationship. We were young, blinded by love and believed in absolute fidelity. Apart from that, we didn't know anyone who was HIV-positive.
Loyalty as protection? Enrico sees it differently today
The virus was a completely abstract danger back then. The relationship lasted just under a year and in the end I realised that my partner had cheated on me and caught various sexually transmitted diseases. That really shook me up, because the naive trust that nothing could happen to you in a relationship was shattered.
"When I'm driving, I wear my seatbelt without giving it much thought. It's the same for me with the condom."
This made it clear to me that I would always use condoms from then on. For me, condoms have simply been a part of sex ever since. I grew up with it, if you like, and have internalised it. It's like driving a car. You put your seatbelt on without giving it much thought. You just do it.
In a relationship: a better feeling without a condom
The exception is my relationship. I've been back in a relationship for five years and we actually don't use condoms. We keep hearing that sex without a condom is like a liberation and that you feel completely different without it. Within the partnership, sex without a condom actually gives you a more intense feeling of closeness - but less on a physical level than on a psychological level.
However, if we get someone to join us or we have sex with others outside of the relationship, condoms are a matter of course for us. I always have condoms at home and ready to hand, and if they are needed, it's just a practised hand movement or two. As a result, there are no unpleasant interruptions and the sexual tension and atmosphere is therefore not disturbed at that moment. In case of doubt, my passive partner, who may already be completely relaxed in front of me, doesn't even have to notice how I put the rubber on. I always make it clear in advance that we are using one anyway. So there's no need to talk about it at all.
The best form of safe sex for me
"For me, there's a lot in favour of condoms. For example, it also reduces my risk of contracting other sexually transmitted diseases."
For me personally, condoms are the best form of safer sex: they are easy to use, they are always and everywhere available and they have no side effects - unless you have a latex allergy. And even then there are now latex-free alternatives. But for me, two other things are also important: I can see exactly how I'm protecting myself. If I have sex with someone who is HIV-positive but no longer infectious, I have to trust them so that I can skip the rubber. On the other hand, the condom also reduces the risk of catching other sexually transmitted diseases.
"And yet: regular checks are part of it for me."
And at the same time, I know that I can of course also catch gonorrhoea through oral sex, for example. That's why I regularly get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. For HIV anyway. That's just part of it for me.
And PrEP? Rather nothing for Enrico
"PrEP would be too expensive for me!"
One PrEP for example, does not reduce the risk of contracting other sexually transmitted diseases. But it's also out of the question for me for other reasons: getting the medication, the doctor's appointments and blood tests that are necessary, not to mention the cost factor - it's all too time-consuming for me.
Of course there are now more and more PrEP users in the scene. But it has never happened to me that a sex date has been cancelled because I am so "conservative" and insist on condoms - and don't take PrEP myself. On the contrary, I often get rather positive feedback and people think it's good that I've thought about safer sex and want to consciously protect myself."
More information is available at www.iwwit.de!
Directly more to Safer Sex 3.0
More about Condoms
More about the PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis)
More about Protection through therapy
