Julian Fricker took the European Testing Week 2014 from 21-28 November as an opportunity to get tested for HIV again. In the second part of his report, he tells us how he fared during the test and while waiting for the result.
I'm sitting here at the Mann-O-Meter in Berlin-Schöneberg. Twice a week, you can get tested anonymously for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) using a rapid test. The first hurdle on the way to the test has already been overcome: I filled out the questionnaire to the best of my knowledge and sometimes with a bit of a guilty conscience. Now I'm waiting to be called for the test. I'm not Julian here, I'm just a number. "4820 2263, please!" I hear someone call out. That's me!
After a brief handshake with the counsellor, I go into a small room to discuss my completed questionnaire. My initial fear that I would now have to justify myself for everything is not confirmed. But there are questions. "Men - whether gay or not - are very willing to open up. If you simply ask the men, then something will come of it," says Marcus Behrens, psychologist and technical director of Mann-O-Meter.
"Words like cock, arse and fuck come up quite often"
So here we go: had I already had unprotected sex and if so, was I aware of the risk? Words like cock, arse and fuck come up quite often. Any American TV station would have long since reached its limits with all the censorship beeping. I have to stifle a laugh at the thought.
The head of Mann-O-Meter knows the problems with safer sex from his day-to-day counselling. Practical questions about condoms or lubricant are common. In addition to the tip "don't put lube on the cock before the condom is rolled on" (because then the rubber is pretty sure to slip off), the fact that condoms are not always immediately to hand is sometimes enough to cause problems. Then there is an interruption, and the lust may be lost. The psychologist's tip: interrupt yourself at home when you're having sex and learn how to use the Parisian as a matter of routine. "Some condoms are like bicycle inner tubes. They hurt and tug. Try out different condoms," advises Marcus Behrens.
"Walking on high heels is far more painful"
After talking to the counsellor, it's off to the doctor. "I can't see blood, I start sweating and then I just fall over." It all comes out of me as if I've learnt it by heart, even before I've sat down in the chair. The doctor asks why I know this so well. "Because I've experienced it all before," I say. The doctor says I should just not look. No sooner said than done. One little prick - then it's all over. Walking on high heels is far more painful. I know that too. I have nice veins, the doctor says at the end. (In addition to the prick in the arm, there are test sites where only the finger is pricked).
Now I have to press my finger on the injection site on my arm in the waiting room to avoid a bruise. I wait half an hour until I get the test result, which tells me what my HIV status was 12 weeks before the test. Thirty minutes can be quite a long time. I sit there, twiddling my thumbs. The hands of the clock are turning slower than usual, aren't they? I flick through the latest "Siegessäule". But I don't read what it says, I find it hard to concentrate. I look at my watch again. Then I try to distract myself with the goings-on in the common room. It doesn't work very well. And at some point, the question arises: "What if the test were positive?"
At last! The consultant approaches me. My heart is now beating much faster and my hands are sweating. I try to read the result from his facial expression. "Negative," says the consultant. It takes a second for that to sink into my brain. "So everything's fine?" I reassure myself. "Yes, everything's fine!"
I am relieved and happy to have clarity about my HIV status. And I am determined to heed the recommendation of the German AIDS organisation Deutsche AIDS-Hilfe: Every gay man should have an HIV test at least once a year.
A list of test centres for the HIV test can be found at: http://www.aidshilfe.de/teststellen
