The International HIV Testing Week 2014 takes place from 21 to 28 November and Julian Fricker gives us an insight into his inner self during the HIV rapid test. In the first part of the two-part series, Julian describes how he felt when filling out the questionnaire before the blood sample was taken.
Every gay man should be tested for HIV at least once a year. If you change sexual partners frequently, even every six months. This is a recommendation from the German AIDS organisation Deutsche AIDS-Hilfe. I'm gay, 26 years old and, according to my biology textbook, I'm "in the prime of my life" - and should be having sex. And what can I say: it's true. To mark European HIV Testing Week, I wanted to get myself tested again. This can be done at the GP with a lab test, where I have the result on the table after just under a week, or with a rapid test. I decided in favour of the latter.
I find the Berlin HIV test centres on the Internet. Today I take a quick test at the gay information and advice centre, the Man-O-Meter. I have the result in half an hour. The fact that the rapid test - which, by the way, is supposed to be just as conclusive as the longer laboratory test at the GP - is anonymous still plays a major role today. "People explicitly ask about this and, of course, explicit attention is paid to it. Even today, HIV is associated with stigmatisation," says qualified psychologist Marcus Behrens, who is also the technical director of Mann-O-Meter.
How many sexual partners have you had in the last 12 months?
I realise that discretion is a top priority here in the truest sense of the word as soon as I get in line to register for the test at the Mann-O-Meter. "DISCRETION! Please keep your distance" is written in large letters on a board. Here at the Mann-O-Meter in Berlin-Schöneberg, rapid HIV and syphilis tests are offered twice a week. It's my turn and I have to fill in a questionnaire right at the beginning. I sit down at my free table and don't have to start by giving my name or place of residence like many other forms, because I'm a number for the next hour or so: I'm 4820 2263.
After questions about my school leaving certificate and gender identity, the second page contains the trickier questions. Question 9a is the first time I start to ponder: "How many sexual partners have you had in the last 12 months?" I start counting and initially need my fingers to do it. "I hope no one sees me," thinks my little angel on my left shoulder. I feel pretty silly: "And at what point is a sexual partner really a sexual partner"? I come to the conclusion that I must somehow count the adventures in the dark as well... "Maybe half?", thinks my little devil on my right shoulder, "and what if I didn't come?". I end my inner dialogue and end up doing a mixed calculation.
'Even today, HIV is still associated with stigmatisation,' says psychologist Marcus Behrens. (Photo: Marcus Behrens)"I did something that wasn't proper."
The discussion that had just taken place in my head was admittedly not entirely free of morals. Not atypical, as Marcus Behrens confirmed to me: "For the clients, sexuality always resonates in the room to some extent: 'I did something that wasn't appropriate'." Somehow I start to sweat and have to take off my jacket. I also see one of the "family" coming to the counselling centre every now and then. Eight out of ten clients come to the Mann-O-Meter for the second time. So two of the ten are still "virgins" - at least as far as the HIV test is concerned. Some are hesitant to come in, others come in as if they are going to do a quick shop. "HIV has been partially de-dramatised. HIV has become more normalised, and that makes sense," says Behrens.
Nevertheless, HIV infection is a chronic disease and still has consequences for the infected person: be it the side effects (albeit significantly less than before) or the chronic inflammatory process in the body. "HIV is still associated with fears," confirms Marcus Behrens. And these are sometimes so great that some people don't even want to be tested. "A positive result is still a serious event for many," says Behrens. We need to counteract this. Using horror images to warn against contracting HIV is counterproductive - this has even been scientifically proven.
I fill out my questionnaire completely and wait for the counsellor. He will talk to me before the test. After answering so many questions, I feel somehow exhausted and nervous at the same time. Nowhere else am I more concerned with the subject of HIV than at this very moment. Then I am called: "Number 4820 2263 please ..."
Read the second part of Julian's experience with the HIV rapid test in the next few days.
A list of test centres for the HIV test can be found at: http://www.aidshilfe.de/teststellen
