Eating disorders are generally considered to be a matter for girls and women. However, men are also increasingly suffering from anorexia or bulimia, and gay men in particular are affected by this disorder.
Mark* can only estimate exactly when he reached his ideal weight. It was probably around three years ago that his weight was in perfect proportion to his body size. The 26-year-old had become twelve kilos lighter. For years he had felt uncomfortable in his own skin, too fat and not desirable. He blamed his loneliness and contact difficulties in the gay scene on his lack of six-packs and extra pounds - and then overcame his inner bastard.
"At first I tried the usual diets and cut out fatty stuff and carbohydrate bombs like bread, cheese and pasta," says Mark. He was seen in the gym three to four times a week. The success spurred Mark on. Now muesli, fruit and juices gradually disappeared from his diet. "Too much sugar, too many calories". At some point, Mark was actually eating almost nothing at all. "And when I did, I would go jogging for an hour afterwards." Mark no longer wanted to be a pug or a fatty. He had actually managed that. At 1.81 metres tall, Mark still weighed 56 kilos, but he still counted every single calorie. Without realising it, he had slipped into a massive eating disorder.
Longing for a perfect body
"Eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa and binge eating disorder are generally regarded as a phenomenon typical of women," says psychologist Stefanie Hildebrandt from Cinderella e.V., the Munich counselling centre for eating disorders. Women actually suffer from eating disorders five times more often than men, as the University of Leipzig discovered in a study in 2012. However, the number of men affected is increasing. And particularly among gay and bisexual men.
"The starting point is usually the desire to have a beautiful, muscular body," explains psychologist Stefanie Hildebrandt. In principle, there is nothing to be said against paying attention to your diet and doing sport. However, in men who suffer from the so-called Adonis complex, these ambitions develop into an addiction. Gaining muscle mass and losing body fat at any cost and by any means. Even when, as in Mark's case, the ideal weight has long since been reached and a downward spiral has now been set in motion. "The result of anorexia is that you don't achieve the body you were actually aiming for," says Stefanie Hildebrand.
Mark, who no longer wanted to be fat, but as muscular as the models in the gay magazines, had now become hungry. "My trousers kept slipping down to half-mast and I was just skin and bones," Mark remembers. "I looked like shit and was even less confident around people now. But I still couldn't stop." "Why don't you eat a bit more so you can put some weight back on your ribs?" - Mark has heard this advice more than once. "But tell a chain smoker to just stop smoking cigarettes. Starvation can also become an addiction, I just didn't realise that at the time."
The consequences of youthfulness and body mania
Eating disorders among men have received relatively little attention to date. Compared to their heterosexual counterparts, gay men are affected three times as often, according to a New York study. However, it is not homosexuality itself that triggers the pathological eating behaviour. Rather, according to a conclusive theory, eating disorders in gays are favoured by the body and youthfulness mania and the high expectations of physical appearance within the community.
But not everyone who regularly lifts weights at the gym immediately develops an eating disorder. Rather, as Sabine Hildebrandt knows from her day-to-day counselling, eating disorders are closely linked to underlying problems. These can be, for example, a lack of self-esteem, unresolved conflicts with parents or sexual orientation as well as difficult experiences of separation in a relationship. Such unresolved problems and the exaggerated need for acceptance through a perfected body can result in a problematic constellation. They influence each other and ultimately make you feel even more inferior, even less attractive.
How to get out of the body trap?
The more serious the unresolved conflicts that lie dormant in the men affected, the more important it is to get competent help, for example from a therapist. However, men are less likely to recognise the eating disorder as such and therefore seek professional help much less often or later. There are now counselling centres for people with eating disorders in all major cities. An initial consultation is held there to clarify the most suitable way to tackle the problem - for example with individual therapy, in a guided self-help group or a bulimia self-help programme. Sometimes, Hildebrandt says, nutritional counselling can also help those affected.
Mark doesn't remember the day he reached his ideal weight. However, he remembers the other decisive turning point in his physical history very clearly: on a sunny September day, he had been on the treadmill for less than a quarter of an hour when he collapsed. By the time he regained consciousness, the studio operators had already called an ambulance. Mark was embarrassed by the situation, wanted to get home as quickly as possible and felt fit enough to do so. However, the emergency doctor insisted on taking him to hospital for further examinations.
"It was only now that I realised what a dead end I had come to. The shock was deep, but it probably saved my life." Mark has been in therapy ever since. He can still list the calorie content of all his food. He keeps a precise record of what he eats and in what quantities. It's still not a lot, but a little more every day.
Are you looking for help? There are counselling centres for eating disorders in all major cities. Cinderella e.V. in Munich can also help you find a counselling centre near you:
Cinderella e. V. - Counselling centre for eating disorders
Westendstr. 35
80339 Munich
Tel. 089 / 502 12 12
www.cinderella-rat-bei-essstoerungen.de
*Name changed
