As I was thinking about my life the other day, a question suddenly occurred to me: Am I actually a happy gay man?
My over-analytical mind couldn't give me a clear answer straight away. So I started looking for clues and scrutinised my gay friends. They say that you are reflected in the people you surround yourself with. And lo and behold, I discovered a pattern: some of my friends have a lack of self-confidence. Fortunately, they cope with it quite well, some of them go to therapy, others take medication.
And what does that say about me? Well, even if I don't like it at all, these friends do indeed reflect my mental state. My self-confidence is also shaky at times and I make use of therapeutic support. However, it is clear that we are not isolated cases. Mental wellbeing issues play a pretty big part in the gay scene, with many unfortunately not seeking help at all, but instead numbing themselves or suffocating in superficiality.
For example, I find it superficial when men take sexual risks without informing themselves, when they abuse drugs or alcohol, or when they hold body-fascist views. All of this often points to an underlying "unhappiness". But it doesn't have to be that way, there is a way out: we just need to clearly state our problems, discomforts and insecurities and face them, with support if necessary. I find it funny that gay men do God knows what for their bodies but completely ignore their mental wellbeing. Maybe it's time we all realised what's going on in our head, because sooner or later it will catch up with us.
I believe that a large part of the psychological problems that we observe in the scene come from the fact that we grow up in a heteronormative society (classic idea of man and woman). At least that's how it was for me. I come from a traditional Indian household where men and women had narrowly defined roles, so I didn't fit in at all. This ultimately undermined my self-confidence, so that at some point I lost touch with my inner, authentic self. I imagine that many people feel the same way, regardless of their background. That's why I decided to go to therapy.
But therapy is "yuck", isn't it? It seems to me that there are a lot of negative stereotypes here - people either think we're crazy or they pity us. What a stupid attitude! Instead, we should finally break the taboo and talk about LGBT mental health. In my eyes, therapy is a good solution. Talking about your thoughts takes the pressure off your soul and helps you to categorise things. As trite as it may sound, if you value yourself, you can avoid negative behaviour patterns. I would simply like to see more of a positive attitude among gay men so that the dark clouds eventually clear. Yes, it takes time and hard work to develop personally. But with the right support, be it therapy or anything else, your future self will be grateful later on.
Back to my initial question of whether I am a happy gay man: I have come to a conclusion! Even if happiness is sometimes interpreted very superficially in the gay scene, for me it is primarily linked to a certain serenity and personal satisfaction. Yes, I am happy. And you?
You can also find out more about mental wellbeing at https://www.iwwit.de
The original text can be found in the British online health magazine for gay men FS magazine at www.fsmag.org.uk has been published. The author's name is Vish (@Vishdlish)
