The programme has been running for 100 days. Buddy project "Springboard"Here, HIV-positive people who have been infected for a long time support newly infected or diagnosed HIV-positive people in their first steps in life with HIV. "So far, 36 people with HIV have contacted Springboard and asked for a buddy. That is significantly more than we had expected," explains project manager Heike Gronski.
Jan shows what Springboard can achieve. When the gay 36-year-old business economist from near Frankfurt am Main was diagnosed as HIV-positive, he was shocked. He had literally come to terms with his life and had already drawn up a living will and a health care proxy. Then he met "his buddy". In this interview, he talks about the initial period after the diagnosis, the role of his buddy and his regained attitude to life.
Jan, when did you get your diagnosis?
That was last February after a long holiday. When I got back home, I developed a fever. I thought I had the flu and went to my GP, who then admitted me to hospital on suspicion of malaria. After a few days in the isolation ward, I felt much better again.
I wasn't expecting anything bad when the head doctor came into my room and said: "We need to have a chat." He took a deep breath and said: "The blood tests have shown that you are HIV-positive. The results show that you were infected recently. I'm very sorry."
What was going through your head?
A whole world collapsed for me. I always thought it wouldn't affect me. After all, I've always used contraception. I immediately had figures in my head: two to three years, that's how much time I have left to live.
Was there someone who helped you in this situation?
Of course, the doctors tried to get me better. They told me that you can live well with HIV today and that early treatment enables a normal life expectancy. But I only had horror stories in my head. I had strong remorse and didn't know what had gone wrong. I was always like the devil after the poor soul when it came to condom use.
I no longer understood anything. I heard everything the doctors tried to tell me, but it didn't get through to me. I felt my life was in danger and had massive fears. Even my two best friends tried to catch me and calm me down by explaining things - to no avail.
What happened next?
A good friend accompanied me to the HIV centre for a consultation. Once there, I had to go to the laboratory for a blood test. I was in tears by then. I was desperate, reproached myself and wondered who and where I could have been infected. The nurse tried to calm me down. The doctor also talked to me again to allay my fears.
Fear of what?
The fear of the diseases that could break out, pneumonia or meningitis, tuberculosis and so on. The fear that I would be dependent on care. The fear that my parents might find out. And I also had a massive fear of social and economic decline: that I would no longer be able to work due to the illness and would become a Hartz IV recipient. I continued to go to work, but it was really hard for me to be fully focussed. I was constantly preoccupied with my problems. So I just lived in the day and was afraid to leave the flat.
How did you come across the Buddy Project?
I learnt about it quite by chance. Whilst googling, I stumbled across an article saying that Deutsche AIDS-Hilfe had launched the Buddy Project. I read it and immediately got in touch with two buddies: A woman who could be my mum in terms of age - I spoke to her several times on the phone. And with a gay man who comes from my region. I saw him as my older brother. Both were a kind of substitute for people in my immediate environment. They both replied to me immediately. I met up with the male buddy just a few days later.
And the buddy was able to help you?
When I met him, I was deep in a hole. I had already finished with everything: I had let my two best friends in on everything, such as my financial affairs. I had forbidden my doctors to tell my family about the diagnosis after my death. I had drawn up a living will and a health care proxy. Everything was prepared for day X. My buddy grabbed me and pulled me out of this hole. Thanks to him, things got better and better. I started to take part in life again.
Why was it the Buddy of all people who was able to take away your fear - and not the doctors?
Because he is HIV-positive like me. He has been through the same thing as me. So he can understand my doubts, fears and anxieties. He simply knows what's going on inside me and what I'm going through. And he has shown me through himself that it is actually possible to live with the infection.
He was sitting in front of me with worse values than me. Nevertheless, he felt well, talked about his work and that he was going on holiday. So even with the infection, he was still doing what he wanted to do. I could see that he was leading a completely normal life. The only difference is that he has to take tablets.
My buddy proved to me that life is still worth living and loving. He told me: "Don't give up. You are not alone with this diagnosis and we live in 2015, where there is enough medication."
And it probably didn't stop at the one meeting.
No. We've met regularly since then, sometimes in a bar, sometimes in an ice cream parlour. When I have questions, he takes his time. And I've really inundated him with questions: How do you deal with the infection in everyday life? How is the disease progressing for you? What about sex?
When I tell my buddy about my problems, he often smiles and says: "It was the same for me." He has years of experience with the disease. That's why he can not only give me tips for everyday life, but also reassure me when my fears boil up again. And it feels good when he says: "You can call me if you're feeling bad."
How are you doing today?
I'm doing well. I feel absolutely physically fit, I'm focussed on my work and I'm doing sport. I enjoy it all the more now. Because I see many things differently: it's not about how long you live. What matters is how long you live, like you live. I learnt that from my buddy.
So the project really was a "springboard" back into life for you?
In any case, it was a lifesaver for me! I got to know a great person who had the same problems and fears as me. He gave me courage and built me up. I couldn't have done it on my own. I'm very grateful for the Buddy Project.
Anyone who has recently been diagnosed HIV-positive and is looking for support can find a list of buddies throughout Germany here: https://buddy.hiv/finde-buddy
