We stand for acceptance
- "No faggots", "no fat people", "no Asians"
Everyone has probably come across such hurtful and discriminatory comments, and not just on dating portals. What is often devalued is what is considered "different" and not "mainstream", what does not correspond to the common image, the ideal of achievement or the youth ideal. Where does this behaviour come from in a community that struggles for acceptance and is often proud of its diversity? That's why we say: Everyone as they wish!
- Discrimination and marginalisation make people ill.
This has been proven by numerous studies. Regardless of whether the majority society discriminates or whether it happens within their own community. This can lead to depression and self-hatred. We want to sensitise people to how we treat each other. And we ask what we can do to ensure that the community offers a place for everyone.
- Welcome - just as you are.
We are many: We are big. We are small. We are fat or thin and foppish, blokeish or bourgeois. We are clever and sometimes less so. We come from here and sometimes from another country. We are HIV-positive, we are HIV-negative. And we are politically left-wing or liberal or conservative. You are welcome just as you are.
For our campaign, we worked together with people from the scene. Our motifs promote diversity and acceptance in the scene.
Interview: Internalised homophobia
Society is partly homophobic. But some gay people are also unable to accept themselves and their homosexuality. Is this referred to as internalised stigmatisation (internalised homophobia)? What are the causes of this? What effects can this have for themselves and for others? And what can be done about it? Marc Grenz, project manager of Hein & Fiete in Hamburg provides answers.
Do so many gays simply lack good manners?
Do some gay men believe that they can make themselves look more blokeish than they really are by hurling insults and insults in order to pimp their obviously inadequate macho image a little? Nobody demands that everyone has to think everyone is equally horny and attractive, willing and able to mate. And nobody should feel prevented from openly stating their sexual and other preferences.
This type of marginalisation is certainly not new. Phrases such as "faggots pointless" and "no BBB" (beard, glasses, belly) have been in use, at least perceived to be, since gay personals have been around. But it has never been so crude in its choice of words and so shamelessly crossing the line into open racism as it is today. Has the evil Internet brutalised our morals so much? Do people actually switch off their brains before they put "people who wear glasses" and "Asians" on their no-go list alongside "fakers", "freaks" and "weirdos"? Does anyone think about how those addressed in this way might feel?
Surprisingly, such outbursts do not occur equally on all gay portals - or are not tolerated to the same extent everywhere by the users or the operators. The more differentiated the dating site, the friendlier the tone. Barebackers, bears or fetish lovers among themselves obviously see no reason to set themselves apart in a negative way. They write and describe with relish what they like and who makes them horny - and don't feel the need to criticise everyone else who doesn't fall into their category.
Counter it with humour or simply directly
Someone who self-deprecatingly describes himself as a "European trapped in the body of an Asian" reads the riot act to such numpties on his profile: "I'm sorry myself that I wasn't born a Swedish god and that I don't fit the gay ideal of beauty. And I'm sorry that I wasn't born a chocolate man with a huge cock, and I'm just as sorry that I'm not available as a hot Latin lover. - Do you realise what? Exactly: pigeonholing!!!"
His tip is quite simple: if you don't like Asians, simply don't reply to their messages. However, there is no reason to reach so deeply into the racist drawer verbally.
Regardless of how the individual dating sites handle the control of profile texts in detail, every single user can take action against discriminatory formulations by pointing out the authors of the perhaps thoughtless and unintentionally marginalising text passages. Maybe even a nice message will do the trick. It doesn't always have to be a shitstorm ...
