When Thilo tested positive for HIV, his friend disappeared never to be seen again. In the end, however, the 46-year-old's openness paid off: Thilo met his current husband René at a positive meeting.
"My infection came to light by chance almost twenty years ago. I wanted to take part in a drug trial and my blood values were routinely analysed beforehand. Still completely under the impression of the diagnosis, I opened up to my boyfriend. I said we would have to be even more careful about safe sex in future. He hardly reacted and remained silent the whole evening. Then he went home.
A few days later, we set off on a holiday. At the time, I was looking after people with dementia and accompanying a small group on holiday. My friend was scheduled to be the driver. Even on the bus, I had the feeling that he was panicking. As if the air I breathed out could infect him. And one evening he was gone. Calls went unanswered. The relationship ended without a conversation. I never saw him again.
At first, I almost always mentioned my HIV status on dates with men. However, because of my infection, I was so often labelled a virus slinger that I soon avoided the topic, at least on sex dates. The problem was that I could no longer switch off during sex. I felt the need to make things clear, but I kept quiet and sometimes couldn't get it up.
During this time, however, I also had a really nice experience. I disappeared into a cabin in a sauna with a nice man. For some reason, we failed to use condoms, so we just chatted. At some point, I told him that I regularly go positive swimming. He laughed and said he was positive himself and we could have saved ourselves the embarrassing fumbling with the rubbers. We became good friends. Unfortunately, he died very young.
I met René at a positive meeting in 2005. We liked each other immediately, but I was still in a relationship at the time. A year later, I was single and we met again at the same event. We've been a couple ever since and I persuaded him, to move to the country with me. We got married in 2009. The best thing that could have happened to me."
How René experienced the first HIV coming-outshe describes here.
René
