Stefan is HIV-positive. Fucking with a condom is not for the 46-year-old journalist from Saarbrücken. Fortunately, thanks to successful HIV therapy, he can do without the rubber. A conversation about protection through therapy and sex without worries.
Stefan, what does "protection through therapy" mean?
Thanks to the successful HIV treatment, there are no more viruses detectable in my blood - so I can no longer transmit any during sex.
Hard to believe.
I always use my own case to explain it: when I started treatment, I had 93,000 HIV viruses per microlitre of blood. After one month, it was only 20,000. Two months later, the value was below 2,000. Today, my viral load is no longer detectable. If I have a piece of paper and pen with me, I draw a nice curve. Then people suddenly realise that where there are no viruses, none can be transmitted.
Protection through condoms or protection through therapy - which do you prefer?
I have to be honest: I think sex with a condom sucks! The moment you know "I'm below the detection limit!", you're totally relaxed because you know that practically nothing can happen. When you wake up at night and you're horny, you don't spend a lot of time looking for condoms, you just start having sex.
Your boyfriend is negative. Did you do without condoms from the start?
No. We used condoms for the first two or three months. My boyfriend knew about the principle of "protection through therapy". But it took a while for the information to get from his head to his stomach and then to his cock. We've been together for a good two years now, have sex without condoms - and he's still HIV-negative. Logically enough.
How do you protect yourself during sex with other men?
Our rule is: outside of the relationship, we use condoms so that we don't bring diseases like syphilis into the relationship. We are immunised against hepatitis A and B. The open relationship wasn't that important to me. I'm now at an age where I don't have to have sex all the time. (laughs) But my friend said that would be good.
As a role model for ICH WEISS WAS ICH TU, you often travel around Germany and meet lots of gay men. Do they know that therapy protects as well as a condom?
In my experience, a third know about it, a third have heard about it - and a third are clueless. Perhaps the facts are a little more present in large cities than in smaller ones, but the difference is not huge.
Is that the end of the matter?
No, not everyone has got the message yet. In the last 20 years, there has been a huge leap forward medically. General knowledge lags behind this reality. This is a shame because it prevents normal, fear-free sexuality. This message must out, because that is an enormous relief. Especially for couples where one is positive and the other negative. That's why I'm a role model, because then others see it: Oh, they do it like that too - and it works.
What is your message to the gay community?
Don't be afraid to practise protection through therapy! It is an enormous relief. Sometimes you hear the argument that protection through therapy promotes carefree sex. Then I ask: What's the problem if I can have carefree sex? Sex without worries - that's a wonderful thing!
